sacrifice-2
Original: sacrifice-2 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A dim chamber where hooded cultists surround an altar. A young man with red/orange hair lies on the altar. One cultist raises a knife.
Cultist (raising knife): "AND NOW THE VIRGIN SACRIFICE!"
Red-haired man: "OH BOY."
Panel 2: The red-haired man lies on the altar, arms raised, looking up earnestly.
Red-haired man: "DOES ORAL COUNT?"
Panel 3: A hooded cultist holds the knife while standing over the man on the altar.
Cultist: "NO, BOZMODIKLAX, THE SERPENT-EYED RAM-GOD DOESN'T COUNT ORAL."
Red-haired man (Bozmodiklax): "WHAT ABOUT BUTT STUFF?"
Panel 4: Close on the man's bare torso; a cultist replies.
Cultist: "NO, ONLY PENIS-IN-VAGINA SEX DISPLEASES THE DARK MASTER."
Panel 5: The man, still on the altar.
Red-haired man (Bozmodiklax): "THAT'S KINDA HETERONORMATIVE, ISN'T IT?"
Cultist: "BOZMODIKLAX WAS BORN BEFORE TIME IN THE BLACK BELLY OF THE BILE-GODDESS AND HE FEELS UNCOMFORTABLE WITH MODERN SOCIAL CUSTOMS."
Panel 6: The man sits up on the altar, looking apologetic, flanked by cultists.
Red-haired man (Bozmodiklax): "I'M SORRY, I CAN'T IN GOOD CONSCIENCE PARTICIPATE IN A NON-INCLUSIVE DEMON-SUMMONING."
Panel 7: The man, now nude, walks away from the altar toward an exit.
Panel 8: Two hooded cultists sit dejectedly at a table with a drink on it.
Cultist: "DAMMIT GUYS, HOW IN THE WORLD ARE WE GOING TO FIND A VIRGIN IF WE HAVE TO COUNT ORAL?"
Red-haired man (off-panel/leaving): "GOD THIS SUCKS. I'M GOING BACK TO MY JOB IN FINANCE."
Votey:
A single panel. A large black abstract pointed shape (the hooded cultist seen as a silhouette) sits in a bordered frame.
Caption (speech): "YOU KNOW, I COULD DO SO MUCH MORE DAMAGE BY STARTING A WELLNESS BLOG."
Cultist (raising knife): "AND NOW THE VIRGIN SACRIFICE!"
Red-haired man: "OH BOY."
Panel 2: The red-haired man lies on the altar, arms raised, looking up earnestly.
Red-haired man: "DOES ORAL COUNT?"
Panel 3: A hooded cultist holds the knife while standing over the man on the altar.
Cultist: "NO, BOZMODIKLAX, THE SERPENT-EYED RAM-GOD DOESN'T COUNT ORAL."
Red-haired man (Bozmodiklax): "WHAT ABOUT BUTT STUFF?"
Panel 4: Close on the man's bare torso; a cultist replies.
Cultist: "NO, ONLY PENIS-IN-VAGINA SEX DISPLEASES THE DARK MASTER."
Panel 5: The man, still on the altar.
Red-haired man (Bozmodiklax): "THAT'S KINDA HETERONORMATIVE, ISN'T IT?"
Cultist: "BOZMODIKLAX WAS BORN BEFORE TIME IN THE BLACK BELLY OF THE BILE-GODDESS AND HE FEELS UNCOMFORTABLE WITH MODERN SOCIAL CUSTOMS."
Panel 6: The man sits up on the altar, looking apologetic, flanked by cultists.
Red-haired man (Bozmodiklax): "I'M SORRY, I CAN'T IN GOOD CONSCIENCE PARTICIPATE IN A NON-INCLUSIVE DEMON-SUMMONING."
Panel 7: The man, now nude, walks away from the altar toward an exit.
Panel 8: Two hooded cultists sit dejectedly at a table with a drink on it.
Cultist: "DAMMIT GUYS, HOW IN THE WORLD ARE WE GOING TO FIND A VIRGIN IF WE HAVE TO COUNT ORAL?"
Red-haired man (off-panel/leaving): "GOD THIS SUCKS. I'M GOING BACK TO MY JOB IN FINANCE."
Votey:
A single panel. A large black abstract pointed shape (the hooded cultist seen as a silhouette) sits in a bordered frame.
Caption (speech): "YOU KNOW, I COULD DO SO MUCH MORE DAMAGE BY STARTING A WELLNESS BLOG."
Alt text
An eight-panel SMBC comic set in a dim chamber where hooded cultists gather around an altar for a sacrifice. A red-haired young man lies on the altar. A cultist raises a knife and announces 'And now the virgin sacrifice!'; the man says 'Oh boy.' The man then asks 'Does oral count?' A cultist, addressing him as Bozmodiklax, says the serpent-eyed ram-god doesn't count oral. The man asks 'What about butt stuff?' and is told only penis-in-vagina sex displeases the Dark Master. When he objects that this is 'kinda heteronormative,' a cultist explains Bozmodiklax was born before time in the black belly of the Bile-Goddess and is uncomfortable with modern social customs. The man sits up, apologizes that he can't in good conscience participate in a non-inclusive demon-summoning, then gets up nude and walks away. Two dejected cultists slump at a table with a drink, one saying 'Dammit guys, how in the world are we going to find a virgin if we have to count oral?' The departing man says 'God this sucks. I'm going back to my job in finance.' Votey: a single panel showing a hooded cultist as a large black silhouette, saying 'You know, I could do so much more damage by starting a wellness blog.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.