religions
Original: religions on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (header: THEISM: GOD EXISTS.)
The sun (a smiling yellow circle with rays), speaking: YOU WANT MIRACLES? I GOT MIRACLES!
Panel 2 (header: ATHEISM: GOD DOES NOT EXIST.)
The Earth, two speech bubbles: OH HELL, IT'S JUST US OUT HERE.
SODOMY IS WAY ON THE TABLE AGAIN.
Panel 3 (header: DEISM: GOD EXISTS, BUT HE ONLY SET THE UNIVERSE RUNNING AND NO LONGER INTERFERES AS HIS PERFECT PLAN UNFOLDS.)
The sun (now neutral/unsmiling), speaking: IF IT AIN'T BROKE, DON'T JESUS IT.
Panel 4 (header: AMICABLE THEISM: GOD EXISTS AND MAYBE WOULD EVEN LIKE TO INTERFERE ONCE IN A WHILE, BUT HONESTLY JUST ISN'T FEELING THE CONNECTION ANYMORE.)
The sun, speaking: LOOK, IT'S NOT YOU IT'S ME.
Votey:
A speech bubble (coming from off-panel above, the same sun/God): I'D LIKE TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH OTHER SPECIES.
Below, the Earth floats alone in empty space.
The sun (a smiling yellow circle with rays), speaking: YOU WANT MIRACLES? I GOT MIRACLES!
Panel 2 (header: ATHEISM: GOD DOES NOT EXIST.)
The Earth, two speech bubbles: OH HELL, IT'S JUST US OUT HERE.
SODOMY IS WAY ON THE TABLE AGAIN.
Panel 3 (header: DEISM: GOD EXISTS, BUT HE ONLY SET THE UNIVERSE RUNNING AND NO LONGER INTERFERES AS HIS PERFECT PLAN UNFOLDS.)
The sun (now neutral/unsmiling), speaking: IF IT AIN'T BROKE, DON'T JESUS IT.
Panel 4 (header: AMICABLE THEISM: GOD EXISTS AND MAYBE WOULD EVEN LIKE TO INTERFERE ONCE IN A WHILE, BUT HONESTLY JUST ISN'T FEELING THE CONNECTION ANYMORE.)
The sun, speaking: LOOK, IT'S NOT YOU IT'S ME.
Votey:
A speech bubble (coming from off-panel above, the same sun/God): I'D LIKE TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH OTHER SPECIES.
Below, the Earth floats alone in empty space.
Alt text
A four-panel SMBC comic, each panel a header labeling a different theological stance, illustrated with a cartoon sun (representing God) and the Earth in a blue cloudy sky. Panel 1, 'THEISM: GOD EXISTS': a beaming sun says 'You want miracles? I got miracles!' Panel 2, 'ATHEISM: GOD DOES NOT EXIST': the Earth alone says 'Oh hell, it's just us out here. Sodomy is WAY on the table again.' Panel 3, 'DEISM: GOD EXISTS, BUT HE ONLY SET THE UNIVERSE RUNNING AND NO LONGER INTERFERES AS HIS PERFECT PLAN UNFOLDS': a neutral-faced sun says 'If it ain't broke, don't Jesus it.' Panel 4, 'AMICABLE THEISM: GOD EXISTS AND MAYBE WOULD EVEN LIKE TO INTERFERE ONCE IN A WHILE, BUT HONESTLY JUST ISN'T FEELING THE CONNECTION ANYMORE': the sun says 'Look, it's not you it's me,' framing God's withdrawal as a gentle breakup. Votey: a speech bubble from God says 'I'd like to spend some time with other species,' while the Earth floats alone in empty black space, abandoned.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.