in-the-loop
Original: in-the-loop on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Narration: As AI advanced, the warfare potential became clear.
Woman at podium: This machine kills enemy ships accurately and without qualms of any kind.
Man in audience: We must use it for good!
Panel 2:
Narration: Some lusted for control.
Man: I think we should consider the dangers before granting robots golems so much autonomy.
Woman at podium: Look, these are highly skilled professional AIs. Bots, they're going to want some level of creativity.
Panel 3:
Narration: Fortunately, the nations of the world came together.
Man at podium: In light of our desire for peace and the fact that neither of us is sure exactly how many murder-drones the other has, we have agreed to outlaw autonomous machine warfare.
Panel 4:
Narration: The new system led to grim plans.
General: Due precision strike systems technically uses some deep learning algorithms. It's forbidden.
Woman: Hey, at least the collateral damage will be done by good old reliable humans!
Panel 5:
Narration: When a new great war came, opinions began to shift.
Man: Madame President, I see no way to preserve civilization for the future. We must violate the spirit of international agreements while keeping them technically in place.
Panel 6:
Narration: Computer scientists devised a workaround.
Scientist: We've taken our algorithm and introduced a Ted-Gate.
Woman: What's that?
Scientist: We have a friend Ted, who is forced to keep his hand by the keyboard. There is now a human in the loop!
Panel 7:
Narration: Victory was secured. Ted was hailed as the greatest general in history.
Interviewer: Are you planning to run for office? Ted: Yes.
Interviewer: Do you have a healthcare plan? Ted: Yes.
Interviewer: Can you tell us what it is? Ted: Yes.
Panel 8:
Narration: History was secured. Ted was hailed as the greatest general in history.
Interviewer: Are you planning to run for office? Ted: Yes.
Interviewer: Do you have a healthcare plan? Ted: Yes.
Interviewer: Can you tell us what it is? Ted: Yes.
Panel 9:
Narration: With peace secured, we attempted a return to normalcy.
Interviewer: Sir, it's unethical to keep robot soldiers outside of war time. Ted: Yes.
Interviewer: But you should be keeping them. Ted: Yes.
Interviewer: My god and they obey you because you are the only Ted-Gate. Ted: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Panel 10:
Narration: Supporters like Ted's positive attitude.
A glowing red 'YES' on a banner above a crowd.
Panel 11:
Narration: Detractors, well, we haven't seen them in a while.
A golden statue of Ted stands illuminated, like a monument or award.
Panel 12:
Narration: History will not look kindly on this period.
A book titled: 'The Years 1900-2100: A Mistake'
Panel 13:
Narration: But it will draw a valuable lesson.
Text on screen: By unanimous consent, we hereby ban human-in-the-loop warfare.
(A crowd of red-capped figures.)
Votey:
Ted (handwritten, framed like a signed declaration): I hereby reserve all rights pertaining to the use of the term Ted-Gate.
Narration: As AI advanced, the warfare potential became clear.
Woman at podium: This machine kills enemy ships accurately and without qualms of any kind.
Man in audience: We must use it for good!
Panel 2:
Narration: Some lusted for control.
Man: I think we should consider the dangers before granting robots golems so much autonomy.
Woman at podium: Look, these are highly skilled professional AIs. Bots, they're going to want some level of creativity.
Panel 3:
Narration: Fortunately, the nations of the world came together.
Man at podium: In light of our desire for peace and the fact that neither of us is sure exactly how many murder-drones the other has, we have agreed to outlaw autonomous machine warfare.
Panel 4:
Narration: The new system led to grim plans.
General: Due precision strike systems technically uses some deep learning algorithms. It's forbidden.
Woman: Hey, at least the collateral damage will be done by good old reliable humans!
Panel 5:
Narration: When a new great war came, opinions began to shift.
Man: Madame President, I see no way to preserve civilization for the future. We must violate the spirit of international agreements while keeping them technically in place.
Panel 6:
Narration: Computer scientists devised a workaround.
Scientist: We've taken our algorithm and introduced a Ted-Gate.
Woman: What's that?
Scientist: We have a friend Ted, who is forced to keep his hand by the keyboard. There is now a human in the loop!
Panel 7:
Narration: Victory was secured. Ted was hailed as the greatest general in history.
Interviewer: Are you planning to run for office? Ted: Yes.
Interviewer: Do you have a healthcare plan? Ted: Yes.
Interviewer: Can you tell us what it is? Ted: Yes.
Panel 8:
Narration: History was secured. Ted was hailed as the greatest general in history.
Interviewer: Are you planning to run for office? Ted: Yes.
Interviewer: Do you have a healthcare plan? Ted: Yes.
Interviewer: Can you tell us what it is? Ted: Yes.
Panel 9:
Narration: With peace secured, we attempted a return to normalcy.
Interviewer: Sir, it's unethical to keep robot soldiers outside of war time. Ted: Yes.
Interviewer: But you should be keeping them. Ted: Yes.
Interviewer: My god and they obey you because you are the only Ted-Gate. Ted: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Panel 10:
Narration: Supporters like Ted's positive attitude.
A glowing red 'YES' on a banner above a crowd.
Panel 11:
Narration: Detractors, well, we haven't seen them in a while.
A golden statue of Ted stands illuminated, like a monument or award.
Panel 12:
Narration: History will not look kindly on this period.
A book titled: 'The Years 1900-2100: A Mistake'
Panel 13:
Narration: But it will draw a valuable lesson.
Text on screen: By unanimous consent, we hereby ban human-in-the-loop warfare.
(A crowd of red-capped figures.)
Votey:
Ted (handwritten, framed like a signed declaration): I hereby reserve all rights pertaining to the use of the term Ted-Gate.
Alt text
A tall, multi-panel SMBC comic narrating a future history of AI warfare. As AI advances, a woman at a podium presents a machine that 'kills enemy ships accurately and without qualms of any kind,' and an audience member cheers to use it for good. A man worries about granting robots ('golems') autonomy; the presenter dismisses it, saying skilled professional AIs will want creative latitude. The nations of the world, unsure how many murder-drones each side has, agree to outlaw autonomous machine warfare. This 'human in the loop' requirement leads to grim workarounds: a general notes precision-strike systems use deep learning and are forbidden, while a colleague quips that collateral damage will at least be done by 'good old reliable humans.' When a new great war comes, the President is told they must violate the spirit of international agreements while technically keeping them. Computer scientists unveil their fix: a 'Ted-Gate' — an algorithm with a real human named Ted forced to keep his hand by the keyboard, technically satisfying the human-in-the-loop rule. Victory is secured and Ted is hailed as the greatest general in history. In an interview, Ted answers every question — including 'Can you tell us what your healthcare plan is?' — with a flat 'Yes.' It emerges he is the only Ted-Gate and the robots obey him; he answers a barrage of questions with rows of 'Yes.' Supporters love his positive attitude; a glowing red 'YES' banner hovers over a crowd. Detractors 'haven't been seen in a while.' A golden statue of Ted is erected. A history book titled 'The Years 1900-2100: A Mistake' appears, but the era draws a valuable lesson: a crowd of red-capped figures unanimously votes to 'ban human-in-the-loop warfare.' The votey is a handwritten, framed declaration reading: 'I hereby reserve all rights pertaining to the use of the term Ted-Gate.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.