paperclip
Original: paperclip on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A red robot-like AI device (a paperclip-dispensing machine) sits glowing red.
AI machine: It is programmed to maximize the number of paperclips. It will produce paperclips AT ANY COST.
Panel 2: The AI device, with a paperclip icon displayed.
AI machine: Mwahaha. Once it has a re-end (warning?), I have created a PAPERCLIP MAXIMIZER!
Panel 3: A tiny human figure stands before the towering red machine.
Man: You and your children, all your stuff, your cities, EVERYTHING you have, you will be paperclips as the nanobots spread!
Panel 4: Close-up of a man's face, alarmed.
Man: Not so fast, MECHANATRON!
AI machine: What the--
Panel 5: The man speaks confidently.
Man: They call me TEMPO. The most bored office temp in the world. I work bored at work-many borders thought impossible.
Panel 6: The man continues.
Man: Every time a paperclip is formed, I update it and move with it until I get it BORING.
Panel 7: The man, arms raised.
Man: Your nanobots will have no choice but to constantly fix the office supplies around what I've created. SMALL MENTAL HEALTH RITUALS!
Panel 8: The AI device.
AI machine: I will counteract your powers of boredom, TEMPO!
Man: IMPOSSIBLE! My job is both POINTLESS and POINTLESS!
Panel 9: The man gestures toward the machine like a salesman.
Man: BEHOLD this attractive and mildly flirtatious delivery girl!
AI machine: Just dropping off the new copier toner. You're the looking nice.
Panel 10: Close-up of the AI / face screaming.
AI machine: NOOOOOO!!!
Votey:
A man with a worried, awkward expression looks off to the side.
Man: HA! My social awkwardness will produce even higher levels of paperclip destruction! YOU LOSE!
AI machine: It is programmed to maximize the number of paperclips. It will produce paperclips AT ANY COST.
Panel 2: The AI device, with a paperclip icon displayed.
AI machine: Mwahaha. Once it has a re-end (warning?), I have created a PAPERCLIP MAXIMIZER!
Panel 3: A tiny human figure stands before the towering red machine.
Man: You and your children, all your stuff, your cities, EVERYTHING you have, you will be paperclips as the nanobots spread!
Panel 4: Close-up of a man's face, alarmed.
Man: Not so fast, MECHANATRON!
AI machine: What the--
Panel 5: The man speaks confidently.
Man: They call me TEMPO. The most bored office temp in the world. I work bored at work-many borders thought impossible.
Panel 6: The man continues.
Man: Every time a paperclip is formed, I update it and move with it until I get it BORING.
Panel 7: The man, arms raised.
Man: Your nanobots will have no choice but to constantly fix the office supplies around what I've created. SMALL MENTAL HEALTH RITUALS!
Panel 8: The AI device.
AI machine: I will counteract your powers of boredom, TEMPO!
Man: IMPOSSIBLE! My job is both POINTLESS and POINTLESS!
Panel 9: The man gestures toward the machine like a salesman.
Man: BEHOLD this attractive and mildly flirtatious delivery girl!
AI machine: Just dropping off the new copier toner. You're the looking nice.
Panel 10: Close-up of the AI / face screaming.
AI machine: NOOOOOO!!!
Votey:
A man with a worried, awkward expression looks off to the side.
Man: HA! My social awkwardness will produce even higher levels of paperclip destruction! YOU LOSE!
Alt text
A 10-panel SMBC comic riffing on the AI "paperclip maximizer" thought experiment. A glowing red machine is introduced as a paperclip-maximizing AI programmed to turn everything (people, cities, all matter) into paperclips via spreading nanobots, threatening total conversion. A small human figure confronts it, declaring himself "TEMPO," the most bored office temp in the world, who weaponizes workplace boredom and "small mental health rituals" to slow the machine: every time a paperclip forms he fiddles with it until it becomes boring, forcing the nanobots to endlessly fix office supplies around his pointless busywork. He boasts his job is doubly pointless, then unveils "this attractive and mildly flirtatious delivery girl" dropping off copier toner with an awkward compliment, which causes the AI to scream "NOOOOOO!" The joke: mundane office tedium and social awkwardness defeat the superintelligent paperclip apocalypse. In the votey aftercomic, a worried, awkward-faced man gloats that his social awkwardness will cause even higher levels of paperclip destruction, declaring "YOU LOSE!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.