sins
Original: sins on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
A robed figure standing at a lectern in the clouds (Saint Peter / a heavenly gatekeeper): "This book contains all of your sins."
Panel 2:
A balding man, newly arrived in heaven, looking at the lectern: "Wow, it's tiny!"
Panel 3:
The gatekeeper: "Oh, that's because it doesn't list specifics. It's really metadata, and every single violation is a form of sloth."
Panel 4:
The man: "What about the lust?"
The gatekeeper: "All of it was motivated by putting off productive endeavors. It's sloth all the way down, man."
Panel 5:
The gatekeeper (now shown as an older bearded figure on a throne) listens.
Panel 6:
The man stands before the bearded figure.
Panel 7:
The man: "So do I go to heaven or hell?"
Panel 8:
The bearded figure: "We feel that purgatory would be best for all parties."
Votey:
The bearded heavenly figure, speech bubble: "I'd say 'take your time getting there,' but why bother?"
A robed figure standing at a lectern in the clouds (Saint Peter / a heavenly gatekeeper): "This book contains all of your sins."
Panel 2:
A balding man, newly arrived in heaven, looking at the lectern: "Wow, it's tiny!"
Panel 3:
The gatekeeper: "Oh, that's because it doesn't list specifics. It's really metadata, and every single violation is a form of sloth."
Panel 4:
The man: "What about the lust?"
The gatekeeper: "All of it was motivated by putting off productive endeavors. It's sloth all the way down, man."
Panel 5:
The gatekeeper (now shown as an older bearded figure on a throne) listens.
Panel 6:
The man stands before the bearded figure.
Panel 7:
The man: "So do I go to heaven or hell?"
Panel 8:
The bearded figure: "We feel that purgatory would be best for all parties."
Votey:
The bearded heavenly figure, speech bubble: "I'd say 'take your time getting there,' but why bother?"
Alt text
An eight-panel SMBC comic set in the clouds of the afterlife. A balding man arrives and a robed heavenly gatekeeper at a lectern tells him, "This book contains all of your sins." The man sees a tiny book and says, "Wow, it's tiny!" The gatekeeper explains, "Oh, that's because it doesn't list specifics. It's really metadata, and every single violation is a form of sloth." The man asks, "What about the lust?" and the gatekeeper replies, "All of it was motivated by putting off productive endeavors. It's sloth all the way down, man." Standing before a bearded heavenly figure, the man asks, "So do I go to heaven or hell?" The figure answers, "We feel that purgatory would be best for all parties." Votey: the bearded figure adds, "I'd say 'take your time getting there,' but why bother?"—a joke landing as a slothful punchline.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.