teaching-2
Original: teaching-2 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Interviewer (a younger woman with dark bobbed hair, holding a notepad): CONGRATS ON YOUR RETIREMENT. WHAT INSPIRED 40 YEARS OF TEACHING YOUNG KIDS?
Panel 2:
Elderly retired teacher (a smiling old woman with white hair, glasses, and a pink dress, seated in an armchair holding a cup): IT WAS NICE TO GET THEM SO EARLY, BEFORE THEY INEVITABLY TURN TO UTTER SHIT LIKE THE REST OF HUMANITY.
Panel 3:
Elderly teacher: THEY'RE SO FULL OF WONDER INSTEAD OF BEING BIGOTED SELF-ABSORBED ETHICAL DUMPSTER-FIRES.
Panel 4:
Elderly teacher: OF COURSE, THE BACILLUS OF ADULTHOOD IS PRESENT, PREPARED TO MULTIPLY, GROW STRONG, AND SPRING FORTH LIKE A DIARRHEIC GEYSER. BUT, ONE CAN TRY TO STAUNCH THE FLOW OF SEWAGE FOR A FEW YEARS.
Panel 5:
Interviewer (now seated at a desk, taking notes, with bottles in the background): DO YOU HAVE ANY OBSERVATIONS ON TEACHING THAT CAN BE SAFELY PRINTED IN A CHILDREN'S MAGAZINE?
Elderly teacher (off-panel, reaching out a hand): HAND ME THAT WHISKEY, WOULD YOU DEAR?
Votey:
Elderly teacher (close-up, eyes closed, content): JUST POUR IT DIRECTLY INTO MY MOUTH, WOULD YOU PLEASE?
Interviewer (a younger woman with dark bobbed hair, holding a notepad): CONGRATS ON YOUR RETIREMENT. WHAT INSPIRED 40 YEARS OF TEACHING YOUNG KIDS?
Panel 2:
Elderly retired teacher (a smiling old woman with white hair, glasses, and a pink dress, seated in an armchair holding a cup): IT WAS NICE TO GET THEM SO EARLY, BEFORE THEY INEVITABLY TURN TO UTTER SHIT LIKE THE REST OF HUMANITY.
Panel 3:
Elderly teacher: THEY'RE SO FULL OF WONDER INSTEAD OF BEING BIGOTED SELF-ABSORBED ETHICAL DUMPSTER-FIRES.
Panel 4:
Elderly teacher: OF COURSE, THE BACILLUS OF ADULTHOOD IS PRESENT, PREPARED TO MULTIPLY, GROW STRONG, AND SPRING FORTH LIKE A DIARRHEIC GEYSER. BUT, ONE CAN TRY TO STAUNCH THE FLOW OF SEWAGE FOR A FEW YEARS.
Panel 5:
Interviewer (now seated at a desk, taking notes, with bottles in the background): DO YOU HAVE ANY OBSERVATIONS ON TEACHING THAT CAN BE SAFELY PRINTED IN A CHILDREN'S MAGAZINE?
Elderly teacher (off-panel, reaching out a hand): HAND ME THAT WHISKEY, WOULD YOU DEAR?
Votey:
Elderly teacher (close-up, eyes closed, content): JUST POUR IT DIRECTLY INTO MY MOUTH, WOULD YOU PLEASE?
Alt text
A five-panel SMBC comic. An interviewer with dark bobbed hair holding a notepad sits across from a smiling elderly retired teacher (white hair, glasses, pink dress, in an armchair holding a cup). The interviewer asks what inspired 40 years of teaching young kids. The old woman cheerfully explains she liked getting children early, before they 'inevitably turn to utter shit like the rest of humanity' — while they're still full of wonder instead of being 'bigoted self-absorbed ethical dumpster-fires.' She elaborates with an elaborate metaphor that the 'bacillus of adulthood' is present, ready to spring forth 'like a diarrheic geyser,' but a teacher can staunch the flow of sewage for a few years. In the final panel the interviewer, now at a desk taking notes, asks if she has any observations that can be safely printed in a children's magazine; the old woman, reaching out a hand, instead asks her to hand over the whiskey. Votey (aftercomic): a close-up of the elderly woman, eyes closed and blissful, saying 'Just pour it directly into my mouth, would you please?'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.