chirugeon
Original: chirugeon on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Title (top banner): TV SHOW IDEA: SEVENTEENTH CENTURY MEDICAL DRAMA
Panel 1: An older, bearded doctor in a wide-brimmed hat stands over a patient lying on a table.
Bearded doctor: He's got too much blood AND too much bile!
Younger doctor (in a hat): They never taught me about this in chirurgeon school!
Panel 2: The bearded doctor gestures emphatically at the younger one.
Bearded doctor: Damn your books, rookie! This is life and death. We've got to bleed and purge him AT THE SAME TIME!
Younger doctor: How?!
Panel 3: A close view of the patient (a bare-chested man) on the table; the two doctors loom over him.
Bearded doctor: Stab in the bowels. We can get the excess blood and bile out in one stroke.
Panel 4: The bearded doctor turns to the younger doctor.
Younger doctor: But that's... never been tried before!
Bearded doctor: Watch me.
Panel 5: Close-up of the bearded doctor holding up a bloody scalpel/knife.
Bearded doctor: Watch me.
Banner: MINUTES LATER...
Panel 6: The patient lies on the table with his tongue lolling out, apparently dead. The bearded doctor and younger doctor stand beside him.
Bearded doctor: We've... lost him.
Younger doctor: Have you noticed that we always lose them?
Bearded doctor: Shut up, rookie.
Votey:
An extreme close-up of the grizzled bearded doctor's scowling face under his hat.
Off-panel speech bubble: Sounds like *someone* needs an enema.
Panel 1: An older, bearded doctor in a wide-brimmed hat stands over a patient lying on a table.
Bearded doctor: He's got too much blood AND too much bile!
Younger doctor (in a hat): They never taught me about this in chirurgeon school!
Panel 2: The bearded doctor gestures emphatically at the younger one.
Bearded doctor: Damn your books, rookie! This is life and death. We've got to bleed and purge him AT THE SAME TIME!
Younger doctor: How?!
Panel 3: A close view of the patient (a bare-chested man) on the table; the two doctors loom over him.
Bearded doctor: Stab in the bowels. We can get the excess blood and bile out in one stroke.
Panel 4: The bearded doctor turns to the younger doctor.
Younger doctor: But that's... never been tried before!
Bearded doctor: Watch me.
Panel 5: Close-up of the bearded doctor holding up a bloody scalpel/knife.
Bearded doctor: Watch me.
Banner: MINUTES LATER...
Panel 6: The patient lies on the table with his tongue lolling out, apparently dead. The bearded doctor and younger doctor stand beside him.
Bearded doctor: We've... lost him.
Younger doctor: Have you noticed that we always lose them?
Bearded doctor: Shut up, rookie.
Votey:
An extreme close-up of the grizzled bearded doctor's scowling face under his hat.
Off-panel speech bubble: Sounds like *someone* needs an enema.
Alt text
A six-panel comic titled "TV SHOW IDEA: SEVENTEENTH CENTURY MEDICAL DRAMA," drawn as a parody of a gritty hospital drama. A grizzled bearded doctor in a wide-brimmed hat treats a bare-chested patient on a table while a younger, mustached doctor assists. The bearded doctor declares the patient has "too much blood AND too much bile," and the rookie says he was never taught this in chirurgeon school. The bearded doctor shouts to "damn the books" because they must "bleed and purge him AT THE SAME TIME" by stabbing him in the bowels to drain both at once. He holds up a bloody scalpel and says "Watch me" despite it never having been tried before. A "MINUTES LATER..." banner follows: the patient lies dead with his tongue lolling out. The bearded doctor says "We've... lost him," the rookie asks "Have you noticed that we always lose them?", and the bearded doctor snaps "Shut up, rookie." The joke skewers the absurd, fatal logic of historical bloodletting/humoral medicine dressed up as heroic medical-drama bravado. Votey: an extreme close-up of the scowling bearded doctor's weathered face, with an off-panel voice saying, "Sounds like *someone* needs an enema."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.