coffee-2
Original: coffee-2 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Woman with glasses and short dark hair: DID YOU KNOW IF YOU SKIP YOUR MORNING COFFEE, YOU COULD SAVE A BUNDLE EVERY YEAR?
Man (eyes closed, holding a coffee cup): I DON'T CAAAAARE.
Panel 2:
Woman with glasses, raising one finger: IF YOU JUST SAVED ONE DOLLAR EVER AND DEPOSITED IT, AND EARNED A CONSERVATIVE RATE OF RETURN ON INVESTMENT, IN A SINGLE MILLENIUM IT'D BE WORTH A TRILLION BILLION DOLLARS.
Panel 3:
Woman (now holding/looking at a phone, man looking annoyed beside her): GIVEN THAT THE CURRENT ESTIMATED VALUE OF A HUMAN LIFE IS ABOUT TEN MILLION DOLLARS, I FIND THAT BY HAVING A STARBUCKS LATTE INSTEAD OF BREWING A CUP AT HOME...
Panel 4:
Woman holding up a calculator showing a rising graph: BY THE YEAR 3000, YOU'VE EFFECTIVELY MURDERED APPROXIMATELY ONE HUNDRED TRILLION PEOPLE.
Panel 5:
Man (back turned, holding coffee cup, walking away as the woman shoves a phone in his face): PLEASE, PLEASE LET ME ENJOY MY DRINK.
Woman: ALTERNATIVELY, YOU ARE THREE MEGA-HITLERS THIS MORNING!
Votey:
A close-up of the man's distressed face.
Woman (off-panel, in speech bubble): WE ARE ALL COMPOUND INTEREST HITLERS!
Woman with glasses and short dark hair: DID YOU KNOW IF YOU SKIP YOUR MORNING COFFEE, YOU COULD SAVE A BUNDLE EVERY YEAR?
Man (eyes closed, holding a coffee cup): I DON'T CAAAAARE.
Panel 2:
Woman with glasses, raising one finger: IF YOU JUST SAVED ONE DOLLAR EVER AND DEPOSITED IT, AND EARNED A CONSERVATIVE RATE OF RETURN ON INVESTMENT, IN A SINGLE MILLENIUM IT'D BE WORTH A TRILLION BILLION DOLLARS.
Panel 3:
Woman (now holding/looking at a phone, man looking annoyed beside her): GIVEN THAT THE CURRENT ESTIMATED VALUE OF A HUMAN LIFE IS ABOUT TEN MILLION DOLLARS, I FIND THAT BY HAVING A STARBUCKS LATTE INSTEAD OF BREWING A CUP AT HOME...
Panel 4:
Woman holding up a calculator showing a rising graph: BY THE YEAR 3000, YOU'VE EFFECTIVELY MURDERED APPROXIMATELY ONE HUNDRED TRILLION PEOPLE.
Panel 5:
Man (back turned, holding coffee cup, walking away as the woman shoves a phone in his face): PLEASE, PLEASE LET ME ENJOY MY DRINK.
Woman: ALTERNATIVELY, YOU ARE THREE MEGA-HITLERS THIS MORNING!
Votey:
A close-up of the man's distressed face.
Woman (off-panel, in speech bubble): WE ARE ALL COMPOUND INTEREST HITLERS!
Alt text
A five-panel comic. A woman with glasses lectures a tired man holding a coffee cup. Panel 1: She says skipping his morning coffee could save a bundle every year; he replies with eyes shut, "I don't caaaaare." Panel 2: Raising a finger, she explains that one dollar deposited at a conservative rate of return would, over a single millennium, be worth "a trillion billion dollars." Panel 3: Consulting her phone, she notes the estimated value of a human life is about ten million dollars, so buying a Starbucks latte instead of brewing at home... Panel 4: She holds up a calculator displaying a steeply rising graph and concludes that by the year 3000 he has "effectively murdered approximately one hundred trillion people." Panel 5: As the man walks away begging "Please, please let me enjoy my drink," she shoves the phone at him and declares, "Alternatively, you are three mega-Hitlers this morning!" Votey: A close-up of the man's stricken face while an off-panel voice proclaims, "We are all compound interest Hitlers!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.