computer
Original: computer on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Silhouetted questioner: Dear God, is reality a computer?
God (off-panel voice): Oh, yeah. That's the reason there's a multiverse. It calculates stuff.
Panel 2 (caption over an image of a glowing green blob in a dark void):
First, you start with a math problem you can't solve. Then, you set up a universe so that the only way to escape is to solve a math problem.
Panel 3 (caption over a field of green bubbles):
You set the universe to split every time a quantum event happens.
Panel 4 (caption over a green-haired man saying hi):
You wait long enough, some universes will develop patterns that create order and excrete entropy.
Red/orange-haired man: Hi, I'm Dave.
Panel 5 (caption over green bubbles; a figure holds a cup labeled "69oz"):
This pattern will use up its allotment of order, then start working on a way to escape.
Panel 6 (two captioned boxes over characters in conversation):
Left: Madame President, we've reduced this universe to an entirely motionless wasteland.
Right: Can we find someone who did a better job husbanding their limited resources, and then eat them?
Panel 7 (orange-haired aide faces a gray-haired woman — "Madame President" — in a red jacket seated in a chair).
Panel 8 (caption over a green-spotted void):
It escapes to an adjacent universe, where it devours its resources.
Speech bubble: You can't stop us from killing you! That proves our moral superiority!
Panel 9:
Man: And then you ask the escapees how they did it?
God (yellow bubble): What? No? There's like a trillion jillion universes. How would you know who to ask?
Panel 10:
God (caption): You let the process run while you go microwave a burrito or something.
Panel 11 (caption over a microwave with a burrito inside and a glowing green button reading "TWELVE"):
After a while, you come back and check. The only universe remaining will necessarily contain creatures that solved the problem. Voila! Math homework complete.
Panel 12 (a man peering in):
Man: Incredible...
Panel 13:
Silhouetted questioner: So... the only meaning to my life is to solve a math problem that you find interesting?
God (yellow bubble): Not you in particular. You suck at math.
Votey:
A single speech bubble pointing down to an off-panel speaker reads: Don't worry! You'll be dead soon anyway.
Silhouetted questioner: Dear God, is reality a computer?
God (off-panel voice): Oh, yeah. That's the reason there's a multiverse. It calculates stuff.
Panel 2 (caption over an image of a glowing green blob in a dark void):
First, you start with a math problem you can't solve. Then, you set up a universe so that the only way to escape is to solve a math problem.
Panel 3 (caption over a field of green bubbles):
You set the universe to split every time a quantum event happens.
Panel 4 (caption over a green-haired man saying hi):
You wait long enough, some universes will develop patterns that create order and excrete entropy.
Red/orange-haired man: Hi, I'm Dave.
Panel 5 (caption over green bubbles; a figure holds a cup labeled "69oz"):
This pattern will use up its allotment of order, then start working on a way to escape.
Panel 6 (two captioned boxes over characters in conversation):
Left: Madame President, we've reduced this universe to an entirely motionless wasteland.
Right: Can we find someone who did a better job husbanding their limited resources, and then eat them?
Panel 7 (orange-haired aide faces a gray-haired woman — "Madame President" — in a red jacket seated in a chair).
Panel 8 (caption over a green-spotted void):
It escapes to an adjacent universe, where it devours its resources.
Speech bubble: You can't stop us from killing you! That proves our moral superiority!
Panel 9:
Man: And then you ask the escapees how they did it?
God (yellow bubble): What? No? There's like a trillion jillion universes. How would you know who to ask?
Panel 10:
God (caption): You let the process run while you go microwave a burrito or something.
Panel 11 (caption over a microwave with a burrito inside and a glowing green button reading "TWELVE"):
After a while, you come back and check. The only universe remaining will necessarily contain creatures that solved the problem. Voila! Math homework complete.
Panel 12 (a man peering in):
Man: Incredible...
Panel 13:
Silhouetted questioner: So... the only meaning to my life is to solve a math problem that you find interesting?
God (yellow bubble): Not you in particular. You suck at math.
Votey:
A single speech bubble pointing down to an off-panel speaker reads: Don't worry! You'll be dead soon anyway.
Alt text
A tall vertical SMBC comic. A silhouetted person asks God, "Dear God, is reality a computer?" God replies, "Oh, yeah. That's the reason there's a multiverse. It calculates stuff." God then narrates a process over images of glowing green blobs and bubbles in dark voids: "First, you start with a math problem you can't solve. Then you set up a universe so that the only way to escape is to solve a math problem." The universe is set to split on every quantum event, and over time some universes develop patterns that create order and excrete entropy. A red-haired man pops up and says "Hi, I'm Dave." A figure holds a giant cup labeled "69oz." In one universe an orange-haired aide tells a gray-haired woman in a red jacket, "Madame President, we've reduced this universe to an entirely motionless wasteland," and she replies, "Can we find someone who did a better job husbanding their limited resources, and then eat them?" A fleeing pattern escapes to an adjacent universe to devour its resources while shouting, "You can't stop us from killing you! That proves our moral superiority!" The man asks God if you then ask the escapees how they did it; God says no, there are a trillion jillion universes, you'd never know who to ask — instead "You let the process run while you go microwave a burrito or something." A microwave is shown with a burrito inside and a green button reading "TWELVE." When you come back, the only surviving universe necessarily contains creatures that solved the problem — "Voila! Math homework complete." A man says, "Incredible..." The questioner asks, "So... the only meaning to my life is to solve a math problem that you find interesting?" God answers, "Not you in particular. You suck at math." Votey aftercomic: a single speech bubble pointing down at an unseen speaker reads, "Don't worry! You'll be dead soon anyway."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.