animals
Original: animals on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Title text (top of comic): "AMUSING COMICS ABOUT ANIMALS!"
Panel 1 — header banner: WHAT IF DOGS WERE LIKE PEOPLE?
A dog (thought/speech): I should go on this date. I want to. I need to. But the internet has made the threshold for opting out of everything in life SO LOW that I know I'm just gonna say no and keep on dying a little more every day.
Panel 2 — header banner: WHAT IF HAMSTERS WERE LIKE PEOPLE?
A hamster (thought): My God. I feasted upon my young because resources were scarce. I'd better create an ideological framework that makes this all just fine...
Panel 3 — header banner: WHAT IF PEOPLE WERE LIKE CATS?
A red-haired man (to a woman seen from behind): My penis is covered in spines, but I brought you this dead rat, so can we make this work tonight or what?
Panel 4 — header banner: WHAT IF PEOPLE WERE LIKE GOLDFISH?
A gravestone in a grassy field reads:
HERE LIES
BRIAN MURPHY
DEAD AT 8
BECAUSE THAT'S
ABOUT HOW LONG
PEOPLE LIVE
Votey:
Text above a man's face: DANG BABY THAT'S A SWEET DEAD RAT.
(A simply-drawn man's face, smiling slightly.)
Panel 1 — header banner: WHAT IF DOGS WERE LIKE PEOPLE?
A dog (thought/speech): I should go on this date. I want to. I need to. But the internet has made the threshold for opting out of everything in life SO LOW that I know I'm just gonna say no and keep on dying a little more every day.
Panel 2 — header banner: WHAT IF HAMSTERS WERE LIKE PEOPLE?
A hamster (thought): My God. I feasted upon my young because resources were scarce. I'd better create an ideological framework that makes this all just fine...
Panel 3 — header banner: WHAT IF PEOPLE WERE LIKE CATS?
A red-haired man (to a woman seen from behind): My penis is covered in spines, but I brought you this dead rat, so can we make this work tonight or what?
Panel 4 — header banner: WHAT IF PEOPLE WERE LIKE GOLDFISH?
A gravestone in a grassy field reads:
HERE LIES
BRIAN MURPHY
DEAD AT 8
BECAUSE THAT'S
ABOUT HOW LONG
PEOPLE LIVE
Votey:
Text above a man's face: DANG BABY THAT'S A SWEET DEAD RAT.
(A simply-drawn man's face, smiling slightly.)
Alt text
A four-panel SMBC comic titled "AMUSING COMICS ABOUT ANIMALS!" Each panel has a pink header banner posing a "what if" question. Panel 1, "WHAT IF DOGS WERE LIKE PEOPLE?": a cartoon dog frets, "I should go on this date. I want to. I need to. But the internet has made the threshold for opting out of everything in life SO LOW that I know I'm just gonna say no and keep on dying a little more every day." Panel 2, "WHAT IF HAMSTERS WERE LIKE PEOPLE?": a wide-eyed hamster with blood-red marks on its face thinks, "My God. I feasted upon my young because resources were scarce. I'd better create an ideological framework that makes this all just fine..." Panel 3, "WHAT IF PEOPLE WERE LIKE CATS?": a red-haired man at a doorway tells a woman, "My penis is covered in spines, but I brought you this dead rat, so can we make this work tonight or what?" Panel 4, "WHAT IF PEOPLE WERE LIKE GOLDFISH?": a gravestone in a grassy field reads, "HERE LIES BRIAN MURPHY. DEAD AT 8 BECAUSE THAT'S ABOUT HOW LONG PEOPLE LIVE." Votey (bonus panel): a simply-drawn smiling man's face with the caption, "DANG BABY THAT'S A SWEET DEAD RAT," the woman happily accepting the cat-man's dead-rat courtship gift.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.