in-your-house
Original: in-your-house on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Woman (on phone): Hello?
Voice (from phone): I'M IN YOUR HOUSE.
Panel 2:
Woman: WHICH HOUSE?
Voice: IS THERE MORE THAN ONE?
Panel 3:
Woman: I KEEP A HOUSE IN MAINE AND THEN A SMALL ONE IN FLORIDA FOR THE WINTER.
Panel 4:
Voice: WHICH ONE ARE YOU IN NOW?
Panel 5:
Woman: I'M ACTUALLY AT A HOTEL WHILE THE MAINE HOUSE IS FUMIGATED.
Voice (sound effect): >GHACK< AH, YEAH, THAT'S WHAT THAT IS.
Panel 6:
Voice: WHO GAVE YOU THIS NUMBER?
Woman (sound effect): >KHACK< YOUR HUSBAND. HE'S HAVING YOU KILLED.
Panel 7:
Woman: SEE THAT? HE DIDN'T EVEN CHECK THE CALENDAR OR THIS NEVER WOULD'VE HAPPENED.
Voice (sound effect): MY WIFE'S >HRKK< THE SAME WAY.
Panel 8 (woman listening, no dialogue)
Panel 9:
Woman: HEY, YOU WANNA GET A BEER?
Panel 10 (scene shift, at a bar):
Woman: AND THEN SHE LOCKED MY KEYS IN THE CAR RIGHT BEFORE I WENT TO KILL YOU.
Man in ski mask: NO APOLOGY, I BET.
Panel 11:
Woman: SHE SAID I WAS AT FAULT FOR STRESSING HER OUT!
Man in ski mask: HA! CLASSIC!
Votey:
Caption at top: 4 hours later
Woman: We should see more of each other.
Man (off-panel, in speech bubble): Sorry, I'm really focused on work.
Woman (on phone): Hello?
Voice (from phone): I'M IN YOUR HOUSE.
Panel 2:
Woman: WHICH HOUSE?
Voice: IS THERE MORE THAN ONE?
Panel 3:
Woman: I KEEP A HOUSE IN MAINE AND THEN A SMALL ONE IN FLORIDA FOR THE WINTER.
Panel 4:
Voice: WHICH ONE ARE YOU IN NOW?
Panel 5:
Woman: I'M ACTUALLY AT A HOTEL WHILE THE MAINE HOUSE IS FUMIGATED.
Voice (sound effect): >GHACK< AH, YEAH, THAT'S WHAT THAT IS.
Panel 6:
Voice: WHO GAVE YOU THIS NUMBER?
Woman (sound effect): >KHACK< YOUR HUSBAND. HE'S HAVING YOU KILLED.
Panel 7:
Woman: SEE THAT? HE DIDN'T EVEN CHECK THE CALENDAR OR THIS NEVER WOULD'VE HAPPENED.
Voice (sound effect): MY WIFE'S >HRKK< THE SAME WAY.
Panel 8 (woman listening, no dialogue)
Panel 9:
Woman: HEY, YOU WANNA GET A BEER?
Panel 10 (scene shift, at a bar):
Woman: AND THEN SHE LOCKED MY KEYS IN THE CAR RIGHT BEFORE I WENT TO KILL YOU.
Man in ski mask: NO APOLOGY, I BET.
Panel 11:
Woman: SHE SAID I WAS AT FAULT FOR STRESSING HER OUT!
Man in ski mask: HA! CLASSIC!
Votey:
Caption at top: 4 hours later
Woman: We should see more of each other.
Man (off-panel, in speech bubble): Sorry, I'm really focused on work.
Alt text
A multi-panel SMBC comic. A middle-aged woman with gray hair and a pink shirt answers her phone. A menacing voice says 'I'm in your house.' She replies 'Which house?' and the caller is confused that she has more than one. She explains she keeps a house in Maine and a small one in Florida for the winter, and is currently at a hotel while the Maine house is fumigated. The caller (clearly an assassin, making strangled 'ghack' noises as if choking) asks who gave her this number. She casually reveals it was her husband, who is having her killed. Both bond over how their spouses never check the calendar and stress them out. She warmly says 'Hey, you wanna get a beer?' The scene cuts to the two of them at a bar, the assassin now visible as a man in a black ski mask, the two chatting like old friends as she vents about her husband locking her keys in the car 'right before I went to kill you,' and the assassin laughs 'Ha! Classic!' Votey panel, captioned '4 hours later': a close-up of the woman saying 'We should see more of each other,' and the masked man replying 'Sorry, I'm really focused on work' — turning the murderous setup into an awkward post-date brush-off. The joke: a planned hit becomes an unexpected friendship/date, with both parties more bothered by their inattentive spouses than by the contract killing.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.