bees-2
Original: bees-2 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Bald man in a suit at a podium, speaking: "It's time to solve healthcare. Healthcare has three main problems: overuse, high cost, and low satisfaction."
Panel 2:
Same man, no longer at the podium: "To that end, we are proposing a free new medical system called 'Dr. Bees.'"
Panel 3:
The man gestures: "Every citizen will be allotted a certain amount of healthcare, after which the only available doctor will be 'Dr. Bees,' who is a beehive and always prescribes bees."
Panel 4:
The man holds a remote, pointing to a projected slide showing a beehive with bees flying around it, labeled "Dr. Bees."
Panel 5:
The man, holding his glasses: "We predict a drastic drop in usage due to fear of bee stings and sting-related mortality."
Panel 6:
The man back at the podium with the projected "Dr. Bees" slide behind him: "The survivors will report high satisfaction because, if they're not happy, it indicates a need for additional bees."
Panel 7:
Close-up of the smiling man: "Costs will be kept low by harvesting the sweet sweet honey from Dr. Bees between consultations."
Panel 8:
Silhouettes of audience members against a light background. An offscreen voice asks: "Will this make people healthier?" A speech bubble from the man replies: "I'm a policy guy. I don't deal with abstractions."
Votey:
Close-up of the man's face looking deadpan. A speech bubble points toward him reading: "Sounds like you need a visit to Dr. Bees."
Bald man in a suit at a podium, speaking: "It's time to solve healthcare. Healthcare has three main problems: overuse, high cost, and low satisfaction."
Panel 2:
Same man, no longer at the podium: "To that end, we are proposing a free new medical system called 'Dr. Bees.'"
Panel 3:
The man gestures: "Every citizen will be allotted a certain amount of healthcare, after which the only available doctor will be 'Dr. Bees,' who is a beehive and always prescribes bees."
Panel 4:
The man holds a remote, pointing to a projected slide showing a beehive with bees flying around it, labeled "Dr. Bees."
Panel 5:
The man, holding his glasses: "We predict a drastic drop in usage due to fear of bee stings and sting-related mortality."
Panel 6:
The man back at the podium with the projected "Dr. Bees" slide behind him: "The survivors will report high satisfaction because, if they're not happy, it indicates a need for additional bees."
Panel 7:
Close-up of the smiling man: "Costs will be kept low by harvesting the sweet sweet honey from Dr. Bees between consultations."
Panel 8:
Silhouettes of audience members against a light background. An offscreen voice asks: "Will this make people healthier?" A speech bubble from the man replies: "I'm a policy guy. I don't deal with abstractions."
Votey:
Close-up of the man's face looking deadpan. A speech bubble points toward him reading: "Sounds like you need a visit to Dr. Bees."
Alt text
An eight-panel SMBC comic. A bald man in a suit stands at a podium giving a policy presentation. He says healthcare has three main problems—overuse, high cost, and low satisfaction—and proposes a free new medical system called 'Dr. Bees.' He explains that every citizen gets a set amount of healthcare, after which the only available doctor is 'Dr. Bees,' who is literally a beehive that always prescribes bees. A projected slide shows a beehive with bees buzzing around it labeled 'Dr. Bees.' He predicts usage will drop drastically from fear of bee stings and sting-related death, and says survivors will report high satisfaction because unhappiness merely indicates a need for additional bees. Costs stay low by harvesting honey from Dr. Bees between consultations. In the final panel, shown over silhouettes of an audience, someone asks 'Will this make people healthier?' and he answers, 'I'm a policy guy. I don't deal with abstractions.' Votey: a deadpan close-up of the man's face with a speech bubble reading, 'Sounds like you need a visit to Dr. Bees.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.