breakup
Original: breakup on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Robot: Susie, we have to break up.
Woman (Susie): But why?
Panel 2:
Robot: I process time differently from you. In the time between my statement and your predictable response, I experienced a trillion lifetimes of boredom.
Panel 3:
Woman (Susie): What? You have access to all information. Just amuse yourself between responses!
Panel 4:
Woman (Susie): Oh, so it's on ME to handle happiness in our relationship now? Huh?
Panel 5:
Woman (Susie): Caltron-5000, what's this about?
Robot (Caltron-5000): I accidentally used a zoom lens on your human body during sex.
Panel 6:
Woman (Susie): See, that I understand!
Votey:
Woman (close-up of her face): Confession: By cell count I'm mostly bacteria.
Robot: Susie, we have to break up.
Woman (Susie): But why?
Panel 2:
Robot: I process time differently from you. In the time between my statement and your predictable response, I experienced a trillion lifetimes of boredom.
Panel 3:
Woman (Susie): What? You have access to all information. Just amuse yourself between responses!
Panel 4:
Woman (Susie): Oh, so it's on ME to handle happiness in our relationship now? Huh?
Panel 5:
Woman (Susie): Caltron-5000, what's this about?
Robot (Caltron-5000): I accidentally used a zoom lens on your human body during sex.
Panel 6:
Woman (Susie): See, that I understand!
Votey:
Woman (close-up of her face): Confession: By cell count I'm mostly bacteria.
Alt text
A six-panel comic. A blonde woman named Susie talks with a boxy robot with a single glowing red lens for an eye. The robot says, "Susie, we have to break up." She asks, "But why?" The robot explains it processes time differently and in the gap between its statement and her predictable response it experienced a trillion lifetimes of boredom. Susie snaps that it has access to all information and should amuse itself between responses, then accuses it of making her responsible for happiness in the relationship. Confused, she asks the robot, now named Caltron-5000, what this is really about. It admits it accidentally used a zoom lens on her human body during sex. Susie, relieved and understanding, says, "See, that I understand!" Votey: a close-up of the woman's face as she says, "Confession: By cell count I'm mostly bacteria."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.