naughty
Original: naughty on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Girl: How come Bobby got a fire engine and I got a lump of coal?
Panel 2:
Santa: I made a list of naughty and nice. Naughty kids get coal.
Panel 3:
Girl: What'd I do?
Santa: Nothing yet.
Panel 4 (caption): Santa operates in a strictly longterm consequentialist moral framework.
Panel 5:
Santa: In 20 years, you become a fascist dictator, conquer the moon, then rain death from space upon an innocent earthly population.
Panel 6:
Santa: Bobby, at that time, will be assistant manager at a convenience store.
Panel 7:
Santa: This piece of coal shall be the emblem of my cold black heart.
Girl: Merrry Christmas!
Votey:
Santa (smiling, eyes welling): Good ol' self-fulfilling prophecy...
Girl: How come Bobby got a fire engine and I got a lump of coal?
Panel 2:
Santa: I made a list of naughty and nice. Naughty kids get coal.
Panel 3:
Girl: What'd I do?
Santa: Nothing yet.
Panel 4 (caption): Santa operates in a strictly longterm consequentialist moral framework.
Panel 5:
Santa: In 20 years, you become a fascist dictator, conquer the moon, then rain death from space upon an innocent earthly population.
Panel 6:
Santa: Bobby, at that time, will be assistant manager at a convenience store.
Panel 7:
Santa: This piece of coal shall be the emblem of my cold black heart.
Girl: Merrry Christmas!
Votey:
Santa (smiling, eyes welling): Good ol' self-fulfilling prophecy...
Alt text
A seven-panel SMBC comic. A red-haired girl complains to Santa that her brother Bobby got a fire engine while she got a lump of coal, asking how come. Santa explains he made a list of naughty and nice, and naughty kids get coal. The girl asks what she did; Santa replies 'Nothing yet.' A caption notes Santa operates in a strictly longterm consequentialist moral framework. Santa tells her that in 20 years she becomes a fascist dictator, conquers the moon, then rains death from space upon an innocent earthly population, while Bobby will merely be assistant manager at a convenience store. Santa concludes that the coal shall be the emblem of his cold black heart; the girl cheerfully says 'Merrry Christmas!' Votey: a close-up of Santa's face, eyes welling slightly, with the caption 'Good ol' self-fulfilling prophecy...' implying his punishment is what sets her on the dark path.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.