job
Original: job on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
God (offscreen, indicated by a small circular emblem): GO! GO!
God: THIS IS GOOD. HE'LL CHANGE HIS MIND IN HIS LIFE. GUDS.
Panel 2 (a red horned devil reading a book):
Narration: A FEW MONTHS LATER.
Devil: HEY GOD! I BET YOU JOB ONLY WORSHIPS YOU BECAUSE UNDEVELOPED NATIONS WITH WEAK INSTITUTIONS REQUIRE FEAR OF THE SUPERNATURAL IN ORDER TO ENFORCE PRO-SOCIAL BEHAVIOR.
God: BRB.
Panel 3:
Narration: A FEW MONTHS LATER.
Devil: I MADE HIS COUNTRY WEALTHY AND TECHNOLOGICALLY ADVANCED, AND HE STOPPED THINKING ABOUT ME. HE JUST WANTED HAPPINESS.
God: AW!
Panel 4:
Devil: HE VALUES UTILITY OVER SACREDNESS, SUCKER!
God: IT'S WORSE THAN THAT.
Panel 5:
Devil: I KILLED HIS CATTLE AND DESTROYED HIS CROPS, AND HE JUST GOT INSURANCE MONEY.
Panel 6:
God: THEN HE WROTE A BOOK SERIES ON SURVIVING ADVERSITY. NOW HE'S RICHER AND HAPPIER THAN EVER. AND HE LASTINGLY CONTRIBUTED TO HUMAN SOCIETY. DAMMIT.
Panel 7:
Devil: HOW DO YOU INFLICT SUFFERING ON SOMEONE WITH A WELL-HEDGED PORTFOLIO IN A DEVELOPED TECHNOLOGICAL SOCIETY?
Panel 8:
God: YOU COULD CREATE A MEANS BY WHICH EVERYONE SURVEILS EVERYONE, ALWAYS CONSTANTLY PASSING JUDGMENT.
Panel 9:
Narration: SOON, ON EARTH.
A seated figure with another figure standing nearby.
Standing figure: WHAT IS THAT YOU DESIGN?
Seated figure: IT'S CALLED THE WORLD WIDE WEB.
Votey:
A man's face with a speech bubble above.
Man: We'll use it to read books and share science mostly.
God (offscreen, indicated by a small circular emblem): GO! GO!
God: THIS IS GOOD. HE'LL CHANGE HIS MIND IN HIS LIFE. GUDS.
Panel 2 (a red horned devil reading a book):
Narration: A FEW MONTHS LATER.
Devil: HEY GOD! I BET YOU JOB ONLY WORSHIPS YOU BECAUSE UNDEVELOPED NATIONS WITH WEAK INSTITUTIONS REQUIRE FEAR OF THE SUPERNATURAL IN ORDER TO ENFORCE PRO-SOCIAL BEHAVIOR.
God: BRB.
Panel 3:
Narration: A FEW MONTHS LATER.
Devil: I MADE HIS COUNTRY WEALTHY AND TECHNOLOGICALLY ADVANCED, AND HE STOPPED THINKING ABOUT ME. HE JUST WANTED HAPPINESS.
God: AW!
Panel 4:
Devil: HE VALUES UTILITY OVER SACREDNESS, SUCKER!
God: IT'S WORSE THAN THAT.
Panel 5:
Devil: I KILLED HIS CATTLE AND DESTROYED HIS CROPS, AND HE JUST GOT INSURANCE MONEY.
Panel 6:
God: THEN HE WROTE A BOOK SERIES ON SURVIVING ADVERSITY. NOW HE'S RICHER AND HAPPIER THAN EVER. AND HE LASTINGLY CONTRIBUTED TO HUMAN SOCIETY. DAMMIT.
Panel 7:
Devil: HOW DO YOU INFLICT SUFFERING ON SOMEONE WITH A WELL-HEDGED PORTFOLIO IN A DEVELOPED TECHNOLOGICAL SOCIETY?
Panel 8:
God: YOU COULD CREATE A MEANS BY WHICH EVERYONE SURVEILS EVERYONE, ALWAYS CONSTANTLY PASSING JUDGMENT.
Panel 9:
Narration: SOON, ON EARTH.
A seated figure with another figure standing nearby.
Standing figure: WHAT IS THAT YOU DESIGN?
Seated figure: IT'S CALLED THE WORLD WIDE WEB.
Votey:
A man's face with a speech bubble above.
Man: We'll use it to read books and share science mostly.
Alt text
A nine-panel SMBC comic riffing on the Book of Job updated for the modern world. God (represented by a small glowing circular emblem rather than a figure) cheers "GO! GO!" believing a man will keep faith through hardship. Over several "a few months later" jumps, a red horned devil argues that the man only worships out of fear and that developed, wealthy, technological societies make people stop needing God. The devil reports that after God made the man's country wealthy and advanced, the man stopped thinking about God and just wanted happiness, valuing utility over sacredness. When the devil kills the man's cattle and destroys his crops, the man simply collects insurance money, then writes a bestselling book series on surviving adversity, ending up richer, happier, and a lasting contributor to society. God grumbles "DAMMIT." The devil asks how you can make someone in a well-hedged, developed society suffer. God suggests creating a means by which everyone surveils everyone, always passing judgment. Final panel, "SOON, ON EARTH," shows a silhouetted inventor at a desk; asked what he's designing, he answers "IT'S CALLED THE WORLD WIDE WEB." The votey (aftercomic) shows a close-up sketch of a man's face cheerfully saying, "We'll use it to read books and share science mostly" — a naive prediction undercut by the comic's punchline that the web is God's instrument of universal surveillance and judgment.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.