pharma
Original: pharma on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A bald man in sunglasses and a trench coat stands beside a car at night, narrating.
Narrator: WE WERE TIRED OF PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES SPENDING MORE ON MARKETING THAN R&D.
Panel 2: The man walks toward a big-box store with a large sign reading "FOOD-MART," a yellow arrow on the pavement pointing left.
Narrator: SO, WE BROUGHT THE POWER OF THE LAW AGAINST THEM.
Panel 3: The man walks down a store aisle lined with shelves, a hanging sign overhead.
Narrator: NOT ONLY WOULD THEY HAVE TO CEASE MARKETING. THEY WOULD HAVE TO LABEL THEIR PRODUCTS HONESTLY.
Panel 4: Close-up of the man in sunglasses holding up a labeled bottle of pills/medicine.
Narrator: WE THOUGHT WE WERE RIGHTEOUS. WE THOUGHT WE WERE WISE. WE THOUGHT THE LAW WAS JUST.
Panel 5: The man's face in profile looking distressed; in the background a clerk in an apron stands behind a counter at a store register.
Narrator: BUT WE NEVER THOUGHT THE DRUG COMPANIES WOULD FIND REVENGE WITHIN THE LAW ITSELF.
Panel 6: A store cashier speaks into a handset/microphone at the register.
Cashier: PRICE CHECK ON A BOTTLE OF "SO, YOU CAN'T SHIT RIGHT?" EXTRA LARGE.
Votey: A close-up of a white plastic bottle of medicine. Its label reads in large letters: "SO, YOU CAN'T SHIT RIGHT?" with smaller text underneath: "YOUR BODY MUST BE GARBAGE".
Narrator: WE WERE TIRED OF PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES SPENDING MORE ON MARKETING THAN R&D.
Panel 2: The man walks toward a big-box store with a large sign reading "FOOD-MART," a yellow arrow on the pavement pointing left.
Narrator: SO, WE BROUGHT THE POWER OF THE LAW AGAINST THEM.
Panel 3: The man walks down a store aisle lined with shelves, a hanging sign overhead.
Narrator: NOT ONLY WOULD THEY HAVE TO CEASE MARKETING. THEY WOULD HAVE TO LABEL THEIR PRODUCTS HONESTLY.
Panel 4: Close-up of the man in sunglasses holding up a labeled bottle of pills/medicine.
Narrator: WE THOUGHT WE WERE RIGHTEOUS. WE THOUGHT WE WERE WISE. WE THOUGHT THE LAW WAS JUST.
Panel 5: The man's face in profile looking distressed; in the background a clerk in an apron stands behind a counter at a store register.
Narrator: BUT WE NEVER THOUGHT THE DRUG COMPANIES WOULD FIND REVENGE WITHIN THE LAW ITSELF.
Panel 6: A store cashier speaks into a handset/microphone at the register.
Cashier: PRICE CHECK ON A BOTTLE OF "SO, YOU CAN'T SHIT RIGHT?" EXTRA LARGE.
Votey: A close-up of a white plastic bottle of medicine. Its label reads in large letters: "SO, YOU CAN'T SHIT RIGHT?" with smaller text underneath: "YOUR BODY MUST BE GARBAGE".
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic narrated by a grim bald man in sunglasses and a trench coat, told like a noir tragedy. Panel 1, beside a car at night: "We were tired of pharmaceutical companies spending more on marketing than R&D." Panel 2, approaching a big-box store labeled FOOD-MART: "So, we brought the power of the law against them." Panel 3, walking a store aisle: "Not only would they have to cease marketing. They would have to label their products honestly." Panel 4, holding up a bottle of pills: "We thought we were righteous. We thought we were wise. We thought the law was just." Panel 5, his face anguished as a clerk stands at a register behind him: "But we never thought the drug companies would find revenge within the law itself." Panel 6, a cashier speaks into the store intercom: "Price check on a bottle of 'SO, YOU CAN'T SHIT RIGHT?' extra large." The joke: forced to label honestly instead of market, the drug companies just made the brutally blunt product name itself the marketing. Votey (aftercomic): a close-up of the white medicine bottle, its label reading in big letters "SO, YOU CAN'T SHIT RIGHT?" with smaller text beneath, "YOUR BODY MUST BE GARBAGE."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.