relative-heaven
Original: relative-heaven on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Angel: Look, the idea of heaven doesn't make sense.
Panel 2:
Angel: Human happiness tends to be relative, not absolute. That'd require us to look down on everyone else in heaven. But that'd diminish THEIR happiness.
Panel 3:
Angel: Here in heaven, everyone thinks everyone else is crap, and thanks to the loving presence of God, they don't realize that they themselves are crap.
Panel 4:
Man: Is that why every person I pass gives me that condescending smirk?
Panel 5:
Angel: It's not condescending. It's deferential to your superior intellect.
Panel 6:
Man (grinning, pleased): That makes perfect sense.
Panel 7 (wide final panel):
(No dialogue. The angel ascends into the sky holding a golden halo/disc; the man stands among the clouds wearing the same smug, condescending smirk the angel had described, while other people stand scattered across the clouds in the background.)
Votey:
Handwritten caption: This also occurs at academic conferences.
Angel: Look, the idea of heaven doesn't make sense.
Panel 2:
Angel: Human happiness tends to be relative, not absolute. That'd require us to look down on everyone else in heaven. But that'd diminish THEIR happiness.
Panel 3:
Angel: Here in heaven, everyone thinks everyone else is crap, and thanks to the loving presence of God, they don't realize that they themselves are crap.
Panel 4:
Man: Is that why every person I pass gives me that condescending smirk?
Panel 5:
Angel: It's not condescending. It's deferential to your superior intellect.
Panel 6:
Man (grinning, pleased): That makes perfect sense.
Panel 7 (wide final panel):
(No dialogue. The angel ascends into the sky holding a golden halo/disc; the man stands among the clouds wearing the same smug, condescending smirk the angel had described, while other people stand scattered across the clouds in the background.)
Votey:
Handwritten caption: This also occurs at academic conferences.
Alt text
A seven-panel SMBC comic set in a cloudy heaven, drawn in blue sky tones. A winged blonde angel explains to a man in a red shirt why heaven's logic is strange. The angel says the idea of heaven doesn't make sense because human happiness is relative, not absolute — enjoying heaven would require looking down on everyone else, which would diminish their happiness. The angel continues: here in heaven everyone thinks everyone else is crap, and thanks to the loving presence of God, no one realizes that they themselves are crap. The man asks if that's why every person he passes gives him a condescending smirk. The angel replies that it's not condescending — it's deferential to his superior intellect. The man grins and says, "That makes perfect sense." In the final wide panel the angel floats up into the sky holding a golden halo while the man, now standing among the clouds, wears the exact same self-satisfied condescending smirk — having missed that he is one of the smug people too. Votey aftercomic: a small panel with a handwritten caption reading "This also occurs at academic conferences."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.