ethical-consumption
Original: ethical-consumption on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
A conversation between a human man and a tall purple one-eyed alien.
Panel 1
Man: But why would you eat US? Why not eat cows or pigs?
Alien: Sorry, that wouldn't be ethical.
Panel 2
Alien: We don't believe in eating lower order animals. Cows, chicken, sheep... they aren't smart enough to understand and prepare for death. They can't be made to know that pain is just an electro-chemical process.
Panel 3
Alien: Therefore, the most ethical diet is made entirely of conscious, intelligent, sentient beings.
Panel 4
Alien: The fact that humans have created art, science, poetry, philosophy, civilization... it all goes to show that you should be eaten.
Alien (small speech bubble): Probably grilled.
Panel 5
Man: If that's the case, why don't you guys eat yourselves?
Alien: WHOA. Whoa there, buddy. I am not conscious. I'm just a stimulus-response machine.
Panel 6
Man: Frankly, I'm offended!
Man (continuing): ...but...
Man: Only because of a deterministic process in my non-conscious brain.
Panel 7
Alien: Your moral philosophy seems a bit unformed.
Alien (lower bubble): Also, we have anti-matter bombs aimed at Earth.
Panel 8
Man (sighing): *sigh* Can I be flash frozen or fried or something else quick?
Panel 9
Alien: I'm afraid my machine-like cognitive apparatus favors slow-roasting.
Votey:
The alien, alone, with a tear on its cheek.
Alien (small bubble): Or kebabs.
Panel 1
Man: But why would you eat US? Why not eat cows or pigs?
Alien: Sorry, that wouldn't be ethical.
Panel 2
Alien: We don't believe in eating lower order animals. Cows, chicken, sheep... they aren't smart enough to understand and prepare for death. They can't be made to know that pain is just an electro-chemical process.
Panel 3
Alien: Therefore, the most ethical diet is made entirely of conscious, intelligent, sentient beings.
Panel 4
Alien: The fact that humans have created art, science, poetry, philosophy, civilization... it all goes to show that you should be eaten.
Alien (small speech bubble): Probably grilled.
Panel 5
Man: If that's the case, why don't you guys eat yourselves?
Alien: WHOA. Whoa there, buddy. I am not conscious. I'm just a stimulus-response machine.
Panel 6
Man: Frankly, I'm offended!
Man (continuing): ...but...
Man: Only because of a deterministic process in my non-conscious brain.
Panel 7
Alien: Your moral philosophy seems a bit unformed.
Alien (lower bubble): Also, we have anti-matter bombs aimed at Earth.
Panel 8
Man (sighing): *sigh* Can I be flash frozen or fried or something else quick?
Panel 9
Alien: I'm afraid my machine-like cognitive apparatus favors slow-roasting.
Votey:
The alien, alone, with a tear on its cheek.
Alien (small bubble): Or kebabs.
Alt text
A nine-panel comic in which a human man argues with a tall, purple, one-eyed alien about whether the alien should eat him. The alien explains it only eats conscious, intelligent, sentient beings, because lower animals like cows and chickens can't understand death, so the ethical diet consists of smart creatures. It cites human art, science, and philosophy as proof that humans should be eaten, adding it will probably grill him. When the man asks why the aliens don't eat each other, the alien insists it is not conscious but merely a stimulus-response machine. The man retorts that he too is offended only because of a deterministic process in his non-conscious brain. The alien dismisses his unformed moral philosophy and notes the aliens have anti-matter bombs aimed at Earth. Resigned, the man sighs and asks to be flash-frozen or fried quickly; the alien replies that its machine-like cognitive apparatus favors slow-roasting. In the votey, the alien stands alone with a tear running down its cheek and adds, 'Or kebabs.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.