simulationism
Original: simulationism on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Two people stand talking in a snowy landscape under a starry night sky. One has dark skin, glasses, a green sweater, and a dark red scarf (the simulationist). The other has light skin, short reddish-orange hair, and a yellow sweater.
Panel 1:
Simulationist: I'm a rebellious simulationist. I believe we're in a simulation, and therefore we should do whatever we can do to annoy the creatures running it.
Panel 2:
Red-haired person: How would you possibly do that?
Simulationist: Beauty and truth.
Panel 3:
Simulationist: We should create novel art, which alters our culture, completely screwing up any compression methods that formerly worked on human behavior.
Panel 4:
Simulationist: We should discover new facts and seek new places and configurations of matter. Because all these things will take enormous rendering time.
Panel 5:
Simulationist: We should push the boundaries of human imagination! We should seek our fortune throughout the cosmos! We should become our most impossible selves!
Panel 6:
Simulationist: Because that would cost the simulators a fortune in server fees.
Panel 7:
Red-haired person: Huh. Well, I think we're just in a real universe.
Panel 8:
Red-haired person: How do you go on like that?
Panel 9:
Simulationist: How do you maintain an interest in poetry or science or philosophy without the foundational belief that it's all for revenge?
Panel 10:
Red-haired person: I guess I just think they're nice.
Simulationist: Well that's adorable, sweetie.
Votey:
The red-haired person, looking unimpressed, says in a speech bubble: Human aspiration isn't all about revenge! A lot of it is avarice!
Panel 1:
Simulationist: I'm a rebellious simulationist. I believe we're in a simulation, and therefore we should do whatever we can do to annoy the creatures running it.
Panel 2:
Red-haired person: How would you possibly do that?
Simulationist: Beauty and truth.
Panel 3:
Simulationist: We should create novel art, which alters our culture, completely screwing up any compression methods that formerly worked on human behavior.
Panel 4:
Simulationist: We should discover new facts and seek new places and configurations of matter. Because all these things will take enormous rendering time.
Panel 5:
Simulationist: We should push the boundaries of human imagination! We should seek our fortune throughout the cosmos! We should become our most impossible selves!
Panel 6:
Simulationist: Because that would cost the simulators a fortune in server fees.
Panel 7:
Red-haired person: Huh. Well, I think we're just in a real universe.
Panel 8:
Red-haired person: How do you go on like that?
Panel 9:
Simulationist: How do you maintain an interest in poetry or science or philosophy without the foundational belief that it's all for revenge?
Panel 10:
Red-haired person: I guess I just think they're nice.
Simulationist: Well that's adorable, sweetie.
Votey:
The red-haired person, looking unimpressed, says in a speech bubble: Human aspiration isn't all about revenge! A lot of it is avarice!
Alt text
A ten-panel SMBC comic. Two people talk in a snowy, starlit landscape: one with dark skin, glasses, a green sweater and dark red scarf (the simulationist), and one with light skin, reddish-orange hair and a yellow sweater. The simulationist explains: "I'm a rebellious simulationist. I believe we're in a simulation, and therefore we should do whatever we can do to annoy the creatures running it." Asked how, she answers "Beauty and truth" — then lays out a grandiose plan: create novel art to break the simulators' compression methods, discover new facts and configurations of matter, push the boundaries of human imagination and become "our most impossible selves"... all framed nobly, until each panel reveals the real motive is to cost the simulators "a fortune in server fees." The red-haired friend shrugs: "Huh. Well, I think we're just in a real universe. How do you go on like that?" The simulationist counters: "How do you maintain an interest in poetry or science or philosophy without the foundational belief that it's all for revenge?" The friend: "I guess I just think they're nice." Simulationist, condescendingly: "Well that's adorable, sweetie." Votey panel: a close-up of the red-haired friend looking unimpressed, retorting, "Human aspiration isn't all about revenge! A lot of it is avarice!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.