final-wishes
Original: final-wishes on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1
Elderly man (in bed): Kids, when I die, I don't want a fancy grave or a big funeral.
Panel 2
Elderly man: That'd just enhance YOUR stature.
Panel 3
Elderly man: I want you to take all of my wealth and spend it to hire ghost writers for books on various topics, then claim they were found among my papers after I died.
Panel 4
Elderly man: When the time is right, reveal the truth to the public. The resulting drama will create EVEN MORE SALES.
Panel 5
Elderly man: At the height of the scandal, sell all the rights and use the proceeds to build a statue of me that bestrides the entire city, blotting out the sun.
Panel 6
Adult child (woman): I'm gonna unceremoniously spread your ashes over the nearest body of water.
Panel 7
Elderly man (silhouette): Hudson Bay?
Adult child (silhouette): I was imagining the toilet but that might be more sanitary.
Votey:
Voice (off-panel): Can they blot out the sun?
Other voice: NO!
(A startled face looks on.)
Elderly man (in bed): Kids, when I die, I don't want a fancy grave or a big funeral.
Panel 2
Elderly man: That'd just enhance YOUR stature.
Panel 3
Elderly man: I want you to take all of my wealth and spend it to hire ghost writers for books on various topics, then claim they were found among my papers after I died.
Panel 4
Elderly man: When the time is right, reveal the truth to the public. The resulting drama will create EVEN MORE SALES.
Panel 5
Elderly man: At the height of the scandal, sell all the rights and use the proceeds to build a statue of me that bestrides the entire city, blotting out the sun.
Panel 6
Adult child (woman): I'm gonna unceremoniously spread your ashes over the nearest body of water.
Panel 7
Elderly man (silhouette): Hudson Bay?
Adult child (silhouette): I was imagining the toilet but that might be more sanitary.
Votey:
Voice (off-panel): Can they blot out the sun?
Other voice: NO!
(A startled face looks on.)
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic. An elderly man lying in a hospital-style bed talks to his adult children. He says: 'Kids, when I die, I don't want a fancy grave or a big funeral. That'd just enhance YOUR stature.' He continues with an increasingly grandiose scheme: 'I want you to take all of my wealth and spend it to hire ghost writers for books on various topics, then claim they were found among my papers after I died. When the time is right, reveal the truth to the public. The resulting drama will create EVEN MORE SALES. At the height of the scandal, sell all the rights and use the proceeds to build a statue of me that bestrides the entire city, blotting out the sun.' His adult daughter replies flatly: 'I'm gonna unceremoniously spread your ashes over the nearest body of water.' In the final panel, shown in silhouette, the man asks 'Hudson Bay?' and she answers, 'I was imagining the toilet but that might be more sanitary.' Votey (bonus panel): A startled-looking face hears a voice ask 'Can they blot out the sun?' and another voice shout back 'NO!'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.