damsel
Original: damsel on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Villain (a mustachioed man, partly off-panel): HAHAHA! YOU'LL BE SORRY SOON MY PRETTY!
(A blonde woman is tied down across railroad tracks.)
Panel 2:
Tied-up blonde woman: I DON'T CARE! NOW THAT BRUCE HAS FORSAKEN ME, I WELCOME MY SPEEDY DEMISE!
Panel 3:
Villain: SPEEDY?
Villain: YEAH. FROM THE TRAIN?
Panel 4:
Villain: THIS IS AN AMERICAN CROSS-COUNTRY PASSENGER ROUTE. YOU'LL STARVE TO DEATH, OR MAYBE BE EATEN BY ANTS, LONG BEFORE A TRAIN COMES.
Panel 5:
Blonde woman: I WISH I'D BEEN KIDNAPPED BY A EUROPEAN VILLAIN.
Panel 6:
Villain (angry): WHERE IS YOUR SENSE OF CIVIC PRIDE?!
Bottom banner:
THIS BONUS COMIC COURTESY ALL THE WONDERFUL GEEKS WHO BOUGHT MY NEW SCIENCE/TECH/HUMOR BOOK. CLICK FOR MORE INFO!
Votey:
A man in profile (the villain) says: This country's really going to hell.
Villain (a mustachioed man, partly off-panel): HAHAHA! YOU'LL BE SORRY SOON MY PRETTY!
(A blonde woman is tied down across railroad tracks.)
Panel 2:
Tied-up blonde woman: I DON'T CARE! NOW THAT BRUCE HAS FORSAKEN ME, I WELCOME MY SPEEDY DEMISE!
Panel 3:
Villain: SPEEDY?
Villain: YEAH. FROM THE TRAIN?
Panel 4:
Villain: THIS IS AN AMERICAN CROSS-COUNTRY PASSENGER ROUTE. YOU'LL STARVE TO DEATH, OR MAYBE BE EATEN BY ANTS, LONG BEFORE A TRAIN COMES.
Panel 5:
Blonde woman: I WISH I'D BEEN KIDNAPPED BY A EUROPEAN VILLAIN.
Panel 6:
Villain (angry): WHERE IS YOUR SENSE OF CIVIC PRIDE?!
Bottom banner:
THIS BONUS COMIC COURTESY ALL THE WONDERFUL GEEKS WHO BOUGHT MY NEW SCIENCE/TECH/HUMOR BOOK. CLICK FOR MORE INFO!
Votey:
A man in profile (the villain) says: This country's really going to hell.
Alt text
A six-panel comic parodying the classic damsel-tied-to-the-railroad-tracks scenario. Panel 1: A mustachioed villain laughs, 'HAHAHA! You'll be sorry soon my pretty!' as a blonde woman lies tied across train tracks. Panel 2: The woman defiantly replies, 'I don't care! Now that Bruce has forsaken me, I welcome my speedy demise!' Panel 3: The villain asks, 'Speedy?' then deadpans, 'Yeah. From the train?' Panel 4: The villain explains, 'This is an American cross-country passenger route. You'll starve to death, or maybe be eaten by ants, long before a train comes.' Panel 5: The woman laments, 'I wish I'd been kidnapped by a European villain.' Panel 6: The villain, now offended and angry, snaps, 'Where is your sense of civic pride?!' A bottom banner reads: 'This bonus comic courtesy all the wonderful geeks who bought my new science/tech/humor book. Click for more info!' Votey: A close-up profile of the villain saying, 'This country's really going to hell.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.