the-cucumber-challenge
Original: the-cucumber-challenge on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (interviewer, off-panel / a woman): Do you ever get tired of substitute teaching?
Panel 2 (a substitute teacher, a woman with glasses): All the time. That's why substitute teachers created "The Cucumber Challenge."
Panel 3 (the substitute teacher): The goal is to teach every class but sex education by using a condom placed over a cucumber.
Panel 4 (the substitute teacher, rolling a condom onto a cucumber): I've done geometry... Let's talk about surface area and volume!
Panel 5 (the substitute teacher): Physics... Let's talk about the spring constant.
Panel 6 (the substitute teacher): Social studies... Let's talk about Congress.
Panel 7 (the substitute teacher): If I add literature, I'll be tied for first place. I was thinking maybe the cucumber is Emily Dickinson and the condom is patriarchal society. Or... see, it's tough.
Panel 8 (the interviewer): Do you worry you're harming the children?
Panel 9 (the substitute teacher): The best part is they won't believe their own memories!
Votey:
Caption at top: ART
A scribbled, abstract drawing fills the panel. A speech bubble points to it reading: This is art.
Panel 2 (a substitute teacher, a woman with glasses): All the time. That's why substitute teachers created "The Cucumber Challenge."
Panel 3 (the substitute teacher): The goal is to teach every class but sex education by using a condom placed over a cucumber.
Panel 4 (the substitute teacher, rolling a condom onto a cucumber): I've done geometry... Let's talk about surface area and volume!
Panel 5 (the substitute teacher): Physics... Let's talk about the spring constant.
Panel 6 (the substitute teacher): Social studies... Let's talk about Congress.
Panel 7 (the substitute teacher): If I add literature, I'll be tied for first place. I was thinking maybe the cucumber is Emily Dickinson and the condom is patriarchal society. Or... see, it's tough.
Panel 8 (the interviewer): Do you worry you're harming the children?
Panel 9 (the substitute teacher): The best part is they won't believe their own memories!
Votey:
Caption at top: ART
A scribbled, abstract drawing fills the panel. A speech bubble points to it reading: This is art.
Alt text
An eight-panel SMBC comic. An interviewer asks a bespectacled substitute teacher if she gets tired of substitute teaching. She says that's why substitute teachers invented "The Cucumber Challenge": teaching every class except sex education using a condom rolled over a cucumber. She demonstrates rolling a condom onto a cucumber while listing subjects: geometry (surface area and volume), physics (the spring constant), social studies (Congress). She muses about adding literature to tie for first place, suggesting the cucumber could be Emily Dickinson and the condom patriarchal society, admitting it's tough. In a final dark panel showing only the silhouettes of the two women, the interviewer asks if she worries she's harming the children; the teacher replies, "The best part is they won't believe their own memories!" Votey: a panel labeled "ART" shows a chaotic abstract scribble with a speech bubble pointing at it saying "This is art."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.