sacrifice
Original: sacrifice on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Hooded figure (a robed cultist with a pointed hood): Steve! The world is in turmoil, for the gods are displeased!
Panel 2:
Hooded figure: You are the last descendant of an ancient lineage. You may correct things by sacrificing...
Panel 3:
Hooded figure: That which you love most!
Panel 4:
Steve (a shirtless red-haired man on a couch): So... usually your first born son.
Panel 5:
Hooded figure: Never married. No kids.
Steve: Wow. Really. How old are you?
Panel 6:
Steve: 38
Hooded figure: Wow.
Steve: What's that mean?
Panel 7:
Hooded figure: Who's your true love?
Steve: I don't trust women ever since I read this book about how easily you can lie them into sex.
Panel 8:
Hooded figure: Do you have strong feelings for anything?
Steve: I dunno. I guess most of my strong emotions have been replaced by strong opinions.
Panel 9:
Hooded figure: I play video games a lot. But...
Panel 10:
Steve: I....
Panel 11:
Hooded figure: Ah! I've got it! You're a narcissist! You love only yourself!
Panel 12:
Steve: Then why am I wearing a shower curtain instead of pants?
Panel 13:
Hooded figure: Wow. How long have you been doing that?
Steve: Since laundry ran out.
Panel 14:
Hooded figure: Like, the specific day, I mean.
Steve: Is this conversation going anywhere?
Votey:
The hooded figure (now seen close up, lifting its pointed hood) speaks.
Hooded figure: You wanna get a beer?
Hooded figure (a robed cultist with a pointed hood): Steve! The world is in turmoil, for the gods are displeased!
Panel 2:
Hooded figure: You are the last descendant of an ancient lineage. You may correct things by sacrificing...
Panel 3:
Hooded figure: That which you love most!
Panel 4:
Steve (a shirtless red-haired man on a couch): So... usually your first born son.
Panel 5:
Hooded figure: Never married. No kids.
Steve: Wow. Really. How old are you?
Panel 6:
Steve: 38
Hooded figure: Wow.
Steve: What's that mean?
Panel 7:
Hooded figure: Who's your true love?
Steve: I don't trust women ever since I read this book about how easily you can lie them into sex.
Panel 8:
Hooded figure: Do you have strong feelings for anything?
Steve: I dunno. I guess most of my strong emotions have been replaced by strong opinions.
Panel 9:
Hooded figure: I play video games a lot. But...
Panel 10:
Steve: I....
Panel 11:
Hooded figure: Ah! I've got it! You're a narcissist! You love only yourself!
Panel 12:
Steve: Then why am I wearing a shower curtain instead of pants?
Panel 13:
Hooded figure: Wow. How long have you been doing that?
Steve: Since laundry ran out.
Panel 14:
Hooded figure: Like, the specific day, I mean.
Steve: Is this conversation going anywhere?
Votey:
The hooded figure (now seen close up, lifting its pointed hood) speaks.
Hooded figure: You wanna get a beer?
Alt text
A multi-panel SMBC comic. A robed, pointy-hooded cultist visits Steve, a shirtless red-haired man lounging on a couch. The cultist announces the world is in turmoil because the gods are displeased, and that Steve, the last descendant of an ancient lineage, can fix things by sacrificing 'that which you love most' — usually one's first-born son. Steve has never married and has no kids (he's 38, which earns a judgmental 'Wow'). The cultist tries to identify what Steve loves most, but Steve admits he distrusts women after reading a pickup-artist book, his strong emotions have been replaced by strong opinions, and he plays a lot of video games. The cultist triumphantly declares Steve a narcissist who loves only himself — until Steve points out he's wearing a shower curtain instead of pants (because his laundry ran out), undercutting the idea that he loves himself. The cultist asks how long he's been doing that and which specific day; Steve flatly asks if the conversation is going anywhere. The joke: Steve loves nothing, not even himself, so there's nothing to sacrifice. Votey: a close-up of the hooded cultist lifting its hood, saying 'You wanna get a beer?' — giving up on the sacrifice and just inviting him out.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.