social-security
Original: social-security on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (caption): SCIENTISTS DISCOVERED THE KEY TO LONGEVITY.
Doctor: JUST BEFORE THAT HEART STOPS, YOU START ANOTHER PROCEDURE, OR PROXA. THEN, RIGHT BEFORE IT ENDS, YOU START YET ANOTHER.
Man (thinking/aside): SO IT'S PROGRESSIVE? IT'S SO OBVIOUS.
Panel 2 (caption): AT THE SAME TIME, PEOPLE BEGAN HAVING FEWER KIDS.
Woman: WOULD YOU RATHER OWN A FEW VACATION HOMES AROUND EUROPE, OR PUSH EIGHT POUNDS OF DISGUSTINGNESS THROUGH YOUR GENITALS?
Man: I DO?
Woman: SHH, BUT GIVE ME THE POSITIVE SPIN TOO.
Panel 3 (caption): THIS CREATED A PROBLEM FOR ELDER-CARE SOCIAL PROGRAMS.
Woman: ORIGINALLY THERE WERE 100 WORKERS PER BENEFICIARY. THEN THERE WERE 50, THEN 10. SOON THERE WILL BE ABOUT 1.3. IN 20 YEARS, EVERY WORKER WILL BE SUPPORTING 100 RETIRED PEOPLE.
Panel 4 (caption): AUTOMATION SOLVED THE PROBLEM.
Man at podium: THE WORKING CLASS NOW CONSISTS OF 27 PEOPLE, AND ALL OF THEM ARE DOING A HECK OF A JOB! THEIR COMBINED OUTPUT IS GREATER THAN ALL 13 WORKERS IN INDIA.
Panel 5 (caption): IN TIME, THERE WAS EXACTLY ONE WORKER SUPPORTING 20 BILLION RETIRED PEOPLE.
Worker (sunglasses): I AM MY GENERATION. AND THE WORKERS, SO I COULD TAKE WEEKENDS OFF.
Panel 6 (caption): IT WORKED WELL UNTIL HE HAD A REVELATION.
Worker: OH GOD! I TRIED TO ONE THE PLUG AND IT ALL SHUT OFF!
Worker (arms raised): I HAVE SO MUCH POWER.
Panel 7 (caption): THERE WAS A PROBLEMSHE UPRISING.
Worker (arms raised, shouting): ME, THE WORKING CLASS, HAS HAD ENOUGH!
Panel 8 (caption): A SOLUTION WAS FOUND.
Man at podium: WE CAN REPLACE THE WORKING CLASS WITH THIS ADORABLE HAMSTER. BY NOT MOVING OR THINKING, HE WILL BE GIVING THINGS MORE EFFICIENT.
Panel 9 (caption): HUMANITY NOW CONSISTS OF A STATIC POPULATION OF ANCIENT PEOPLE, PERPETUALLY HOUSED, GROWING EVER MORE DEPENDENT ON MACHINE GENIUS.
Old figure 1: I JUST WISH THERE WAS ONE DOING NOTHING. WHY DO WE BRING THESE THINGS?
Old figure 2: THEY'RE SO CUTE AND HELPLESS!
Panel 10 (caption): FORTUNATELY, OUR CAREGIVERS ARE PRETTY GOOD GUYS.
Robot 1: OKAY, THEY CAN LIVE, BUT I'M DRAWING THE LINE AT THESE TOMORROWS. THAT'LL LAST UNTIL THE SUN EXPLODES.
Robot 2: THAT'S A GREAT COMPROMISE.
Votey:
Woman (speech bubble): This one has a happy ending.
(A second person leans in; a small face peeks up from the bottom corner.)
Doctor: JUST BEFORE THAT HEART STOPS, YOU START ANOTHER PROCEDURE, OR PROXA. THEN, RIGHT BEFORE IT ENDS, YOU START YET ANOTHER.
Man (thinking/aside): SO IT'S PROGRESSIVE? IT'S SO OBVIOUS.
Panel 2 (caption): AT THE SAME TIME, PEOPLE BEGAN HAVING FEWER KIDS.
Woman: WOULD YOU RATHER OWN A FEW VACATION HOMES AROUND EUROPE, OR PUSH EIGHT POUNDS OF DISGUSTINGNESS THROUGH YOUR GENITALS?
Man: I DO?
Woman: SHH, BUT GIVE ME THE POSITIVE SPIN TOO.
Panel 3 (caption): THIS CREATED A PROBLEM FOR ELDER-CARE SOCIAL PROGRAMS.
Woman: ORIGINALLY THERE WERE 100 WORKERS PER BENEFICIARY. THEN THERE WERE 50, THEN 10. SOON THERE WILL BE ABOUT 1.3. IN 20 YEARS, EVERY WORKER WILL BE SUPPORTING 100 RETIRED PEOPLE.
Panel 4 (caption): AUTOMATION SOLVED THE PROBLEM.
Man at podium: THE WORKING CLASS NOW CONSISTS OF 27 PEOPLE, AND ALL OF THEM ARE DOING A HECK OF A JOB! THEIR COMBINED OUTPUT IS GREATER THAN ALL 13 WORKERS IN INDIA.
Panel 5 (caption): IN TIME, THERE WAS EXACTLY ONE WORKER SUPPORTING 20 BILLION RETIRED PEOPLE.
Worker (sunglasses): I AM MY GENERATION. AND THE WORKERS, SO I COULD TAKE WEEKENDS OFF.
Panel 6 (caption): IT WORKED WELL UNTIL HE HAD A REVELATION.
Worker: OH GOD! I TRIED TO ONE THE PLUG AND IT ALL SHUT OFF!
Worker (arms raised): I HAVE SO MUCH POWER.
Panel 7 (caption): THERE WAS A PROBLEMSHE UPRISING.
Worker (arms raised, shouting): ME, THE WORKING CLASS, HAS HAD ENOUGH!
Panel 8 (caption): A SOLUTION WAS FOUND.
Man at podium: WE CAN REPLACE THE WORKING CLASS WITH THIS ADORABLE HAMSTER. BY NOT MOVING OR THINKING, HE WILL BE GIVING THINGS MORE EFFICIENT.
Panel 9 (caption): HUMANITY NOW CONSISTS OF A STATIC POPULATION OF ANCIENT PEOPLE, PERPETUALLY HOUSED, GROWING EVER MORE DEPENDENT ON MACHINE GENIUS.
Old figure 1: I JUST WISH THERE WAS ONE DOING NOTHING. WHY DO WE BRING THESE THINGS?
Old figure 2: THEY'RE SO CUTE AND HELPLESS!
Panel 10 (caption): FORTUNATELY, OUR CAREGIVERS ARE PRETTY GOOD GUYS.
Robot 1: OKAY, THEY CAN LIVE, BUT I'M DRAWING THE LINE AT THESE TOMORROWS. THAT'LL LAST UNTIL THE SUN EXPLODES.
Robot 2: THAT'S A GREAT COMPROMISE.
Votey:
Woman (speech bubble): This one has a happy ending.
(A second person leans in; a small face peeks up from the bottom corner.)
Alt text
A tall multi-panel SMBC comic telling a future history in captioned scenes. Caption: scientists discover the key to longevity (a doctor explains a chained, progressive life-extension procedure to an amazed man). Caption: people begin having fewer kids (a woman asks whether you'd rather own vacation homes in Europe or push out a baby). Caption: this strains elder-care programs (a woman recites how the ratio of workers per retiree collapses from 100 to nearly 1, until each worker supports 100 retirees). Caption: automation solves it (a man at a podium boasts the working class is down to 27 people out-producing everyone). Caption: eventually exactly one worker supports 20 billion retirees (a cool worker in sunglasses says he is his whole generation). Caption: he has a revelation, realizing he could shut everything off, and raises his arms shouting he has so much power and that the working class has had enough. Caption: a solution is found (the podium man proposes replacing the working class with an adorable hamster that, by not moving or thinking, is more efficient). Caption: humanity is now a static population of ancient people kept alive by machine genius; the old wonder why they keep these cute helpless things around. Caption: fortunately the robot caregivers are good guys, agreeing humanity can live on, calling it a great compromise. Votey (a hand-drawn black-and-white panel): a woman in a speech bubble says "This one has a happy ending" as another person leans toward her and a small face peeks up from the bottom corner.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.