the-definition-of-unlife
Original: the-definition-of-unlife on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Young person: "Grampa, I don't like the word 'undead.' It's chauvinistic."
Panel 2:
Grampa: "The undead can move, communicate, think. They have DNA. They're made of hydrocarbons. They create entropy."
Panel 3:
Young person: "They're just a form of life that happens to look similar to dead humans. So why categorize them as not alive and not dead?"
Panel 4:
Grampa: "But if the criterion for undeadness is just 'alive, but looks dead,' then we should call anyone over 60 undead!"
Panel 5:
Grampa: "One quality of life is the ability to reproduce. Zombies, vampires, mummies, none of them can do it."
Panel 6:
Young person: "Oh my god. That's true of old people too."
Panel 7:
Young person: "Are you saying you're undead?!"
Grampa: "Technically only gramma is undead."
Votey:
Gramma (a figure with a wide-open, fang-filled mouth): "WHO WANTS COOKIES?!"
Young person: "Grampa, I don't like the word 'undead.' It's chauvinistic."
Panel 2:
Grampa: "The undead can move, communicate, think. They have DNA. They're made of hydrocarbons. They create entropy."
Panel 3:
Young person: "They're just a form of life that happens to look similar to dead humans. So why categorize them as not alive and not dead?"
Panel 4:
Grampa: "But if the criterion for undeadness is just 'alive, but looks dead,' then we should call anyone over 60 undead!"
Panel 5:
Grampa: "One quality of life is the ability to reproduce. Zombies, vampires, mummies, none of them can do it."
Panel 6:
Young person: "Oh my god. That's true of old people too."
Panel 7:
Young person: "Are you saying you're undead?!"
Grampa: "Technically only gramma is undead."
Votey:
Gramma (a figure with a wide-open, fang-filled mouth): "WHO WANTS COOKIES?!"
Alt text
A seven-panel comic. A young person tells their grandfather, "Grampa, I don't like the word 'undead.' It's chauvinistic." Grampa argues the undead can move, communicate, think, have DNA, are made of hydrocarbons, and create entropy. The young person says the undead are just a form of life that looks similar to dead humans, so why call them not alive and not dead. Grampa counters that if the criterion for undeadness is just "alive but looks dead," then anyone over 60 should be called undead. He adds that a quality of life is the ability to reproduce, and zombies, vampires, and mummies all can't do it. The young person realizes, "Oh my god. That's true of old people too. Are you saying you're undead?!" Grampa replies, "Technically only gramma is undead." Votey: a hand-drawn figure with a huge open mouth full of jagged fangs cheerfully asks, "WHO WANTS COOKIES?!" — revealing gramma as the monstrous undead one.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.