damn
Original: damn on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
A caveman with long hair and a beard speaks to a group of cave people standing around.
Caveman: DAMN! ALL FEMALES WANT MATE WITH PIG. PIG CAN MAKE ZAZA HANDS LONGER THAN ANYONE.
Panel 2:
Caption box: 50,000 YEARS LATER...
A modern man with glasses sits and thinks.
Caption/text: HUMAN MALES EVOLVED LARGE UPPER BODIES FOR THROWING ROCKS AND SPEARS.
Votey:
A close-up of a man's face speaking, with a furrowed, earnest expression.
Man: WISH ME SPOKE ENGLISH WITH PROPER GRAMMAR.
A caveman with long hair and a beard speaks to a group of cave people standing around.
Caveman: DAMN! ALL FEMALES WANT MATE WITH PIG. PIG CAN MAKE ZAZA HANDS LONGER THAN ANYONE.
Panel 2:
Caption box: 50,000 YEARS LATER...
A modern man with glasses sits and thinks.
Caption/text: HUMAN MALES EVOLVED LARGE UPPER BODIES FOR THROWING ROCKS AND SPEARS.
Votey:
A close-up of a man's face speaking, with a furrowed, earnest expression.
Man: WISH ME SPOKE ENGLISH WITH PROPER GRAMMAR.
Alt text
A two-panel SMBC comic about evolution and sexual selection. Panel 1: A bearded caveman gestures while talking to a small group of cave people, declaring in broken caveman-speak, "Damn! All females want mate with pig. Pig can make jazz hands longer than anyone." Panel 2: A caption reads "50,000 years later..." and shows a modern bespectacled man thinking, with the text "Human males evolved large upper bodies for throwing rocks and spears." The joke implies the real evolutionary driver was something sillier (impressing mates with long "jazz hands") than the dignified explanation given later. Votey (bonus panel): A close-up of a man's face with a strained, sincere expression saying in caveman grammar, "Wish me spoke English with proper grammar."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.