heaven-2
Original: heaven-2 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Sign on wall: WELCOME TO HEAVEN!
A bearded man (angel/greeter): Uh huh
A woman sits on a couch.
Panel 2:
Woman: What's the matter?
Panel 3:
Woman: How do I know it's really heaven?
Panel 4:
Bearded man: Well, it's all up in the clouds and there are angels. Everything is free. We have, of course, it's heaven.
Panel 5:
Woman: Sometimes in stories people going to hell are briefly led to believe they're in heaven, only to have the truth revealed.
Panel 6:
Bearded man: Then just be patient and see that you're in heaven.
Panel 7:
Woman: I'm here for eternity. Compared to infinite time, there's no difference between a second and a quadrillion years.
Panel 8:
Woman: Impossible!
Panel 9:
Bearded man: If you specified you'll be in the afterlife for a thousand years, then I could have come confidence. That this was heaven starting around the 200 year mark.
Panel 10:
Woman: Once you have infinite time, everything finite is short.
Panel 11:
Woman: Long-term relationships are meaningless here, so it kind of looks like love. It'll all crushed flat.
Panel 12:
Woman: Oh my god
Panel 13:
Bearded man: This is hell.
Woman: Only to philosophers, yes.
Votey:
A woman with large flame-like hair (on fire) speaks to a startled-looking man.
Woman: I'm gonna go see Voltaire
Sign on wall: WELCOME TO HEAVEN!
A bearded man (angel/greeter): Uh huh
A woman sits on a couch.
Panel 2:
Woman: What's the matter?
Panel 3:
Woman: How do I know it's really heaven?
Panel 4:
Bearded man: Well, it's all up in the clouds and there are angels. Everything is free. We have, of course, it's heaven.
Panel 5:
Woman: Sometimes in stories people going to hell are briefly led to believe they're in heaven, only to have the truth revealed.
Panel 6:
Bearded man: Then just be patient and see that you're in heaven.
Panel 7:
Woman: I'm here for eternity. Compared to infinite time, there's no difference between a second and a quadrillion years.
Panel 8:
Woman: Impossible!
Panel 9:
Bearded man: If you specified you'll be in the afterlife for a thousand years, then I could have come confidence. That this was heaven starting around the 200 year mark.
Panel 10:
Woman: Once you have infinite time, everything finite is short.
Panel 11:
Woman: Long-term relationships are meaningless here, so it kind of looks like love. It'll all crushed flat.
Panel 12:
Woman: Oh my god
Panel 13:
Bearded man: This is hell.
Woman: Only to philosophers, yes.
Votey:
A woman with large flame-like hair (on fire) speaks to a startled-looking man.
Woman: I'm gonna go see Voltaire
Alt text
A multi-panel SMBC comic. A woman arrives in heaven, greeted by a bearded man under a 'WELCOME TO HEAVEN!' sign. She worries she can't be sure it's really heaven, since in stories people sent to hell are sometimes briefly fooled into thinking they're in heaven before the truth is revealed. The man says to just be patient and she'll see it's heaven. She argues that because she's here for eternity, and compared to infinite time there's no difference between a second and a quadrillion years, no finite waiting period could ever reassure her that it's heaven rather than a deferred hell. The greeter notes that if she'd been promised only a thousand years, he could prove it was heaven by, say, the 200-year mark. She concludes that with infinite time everything finite is short, so long-term relationships and love become meaningless and crushed flat. Realizing the implication, she gasps 'Oh my god.' The man says 'This is hell,' and she replies 'Only to philosophers, yes.' Votey aftercomic: a woman whose hair is depicted as large flickering flames tells a wide-eyed man, 'I'm gonna go see Voltaire.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.