machines-vs-jobs
Original: machines-vs-jobs on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Narration: Ever more jobs went to machines.
Man (in suit): Your job analyzing job losses to robots is now obsolete.
Woman: How?
Machine: To explain, but you wouldn't understand the math.
Panel 2:
Narration: First, we lost jobs machines could do easily.
Man: What if we had a steam-driven motor turn the millstone?
Woman: Then why even bother having poor people?
Panel 3:
Narration: Then we lost jobs computers do easily.
Man: The machine recognizes bad potato chips and ejects them from the conveyor.
Woman: But that's my job. It also ejects redundant employees.
Panel 4:
Narration: Then we lost jobs we thought computers would never do.
Woman (computer programmer at desk): Computer, I need a coming-of-age novel, but in the style of Fitzgerald. That'll convince me to find solace after the sudden loss of my parents. Also, throw in a couple of man-man-gay threesomes, and Harry Potter.
Panel 5:
Narration: Soon, the only employers were people who had massive capital, from the 3rd apocalypse.
Woman: My god. Karl Marx was right about everything except timing, location, demeanor, and specifics.
Panel 6:
Narration: The only remaining jobs were those for which human employees were preferable.
Judge (in robe and wig): Tell me I'm a good boss, but do not make eye contact.
Panel 7:
Narration: Ever more specific niche programming became the only way to extract money from capital-holders.
Man (in suit): Here's the news for Todd's kitchen today! Bit of a jam with a jam jar.
Panel 8:
Narration: No one is happy. But once the military became robotic, production became impossible. So the exponential increase in specificity rolls on.
Man (in suit): Here's the news for Todd's head today! Well, it was a hair-raising morning!
Panel 9:
Narration: It's not the most meaningful work, but it does have its moments.
Man (in suit): Here's the news for Todd's diavices today! Bit of a jam with a jam jar.
Votey:
Man (smiling): It was in his butt.
Narration: Ever more jobs went to machines.
Man (in suit): Your job analyzing job losses to robots is now obsolete.
Woman: How?
Machine: To explain, but you wouldn't understand the math.
Panel 2:
Narration: First, we lost jobs machines could do easily.
Man: What if we had a steam-driven motor turn the millstone?
Woman: Then why even bother having poor people?
Panel 3:
Narration: Then we lost jobs computers do easily.
Man: The machine recognizes bad potato chips and ejects them from the conveyor.
Woman: But that's my job. It also ejects redundant employees.
Panel 4:
Narration: Then we lost jobs we thought computers would never do.
Woman (computer programmer at desk): Computer, I need a coming-of-age novel, but in the style of Fitzgerald. That'll convince me to find solace after the sudden loss of my parents. Also, throw in a couple of man-man-gay threesomes, and Harry Potter.
Panel 5:
Narration: Soon, the only employers were people who had massive capital, from the 3rd apocalypse.
Woman: My god. Karl Marx was right about everything except timing, location, demeanor, and specifics.
Panel 6:
Narration: The only remaining jobs were those for which human employees were preferable.
Judge (in robe and wig): Tell me I'm a good boss, but do not make eye contact.
Panel 7:
Narration: Ever more specific niche programming became the only way to extract money from capital-holders.
Man (in suit): Here's the news for Todd's kitchen today! Bit of a jam with a jam jar.
Panel 8:
Narration: No one is happy. But once the military became robotic, production became impossible. So the exponential increase in specificity rolls on.
Man (in suit): Here's the news for Todd's head today! Well, it was a hair-raising morning!
Panel 9:
Narration: It's not the most meaningful work, but it does have its moments.
Man (in suit): Here's the news for Todd's diavices today! Bit of a jam with a jam jar.
Votey:
Man (smiling): It was in his butt.
Alt text
A nine-panel SMBC comic about a future where automation devours every kind of human job, one specificity level at a time. Each panel has a narration caption above an illustration. Panel 1: a robot machine tells a woman her job analyzing job losses to robots is now obsolete; when she asks how, it says it would explain but she wouldn't understand the math. Caption: 'Ever more jobs went to machines.' Panel 2 ('First, we lost jobs machines could do easily'): a period-dressed man suggests a steam-driven motor turn the millstone; a woman replies, 'Then why even bother having poor people?' Panel 3 ('Then we lost jobs computers do easily'): a woman protests that a chip-sorting machine ejecting bad potato chips is also ejecting her as a redundant employee. Panel 4 ('Then we lost jobs we thought computers would never do'): a programmer at a desk dictates an elaborate, oddly personal coming-of-age novel request to a computer. Panel 5 ('Soon, the only employers were people who had massive capital, from the 3rd apocalypse'): a woman declares that Karl Marx was right about everything except timing, location, demeanor, and specifics. Panel 6 ('The only remaining jobs were those for which human employees were preferable'): a robed, bewigged judge says, 'Tell me I'm a good boss, but do not make eye contact.' Panels 7 through 9 show a smiling newscaster in a suit delivering ever-narrower personalized news bulletins about a man named Todd. Panel 7: news for Todd's kitchen ('Bit of a jam with a jam jar'). Panel 8 ('No one is happy, but once the military became robotic, production became impossible, so the increase in specificity rolls on'): news for Todd's head ('a hair-raising morning'). Panel 9 ('It's not the most meaningful work, but it does have its moments'): news for an even tinier scope, again 'Bit of a jam with a jam jar.' Votey: a close-up of the same smiling newscaster with a speech bubble reading, 'It was in his butt.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.