sex-a-guide
Original: sex-a-guide on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Title: SEX: A GUIDE
The comic is a 3x3 grid. Column headers (intensity), left to right: LOW INTENSITY, MIDDLING INTENSITY, HIGH INTENSITY. Row headers (romance), top to bottom: LOW ROMANCE, MIDDLING ROMANCE, HIGH ROMANCE.
Row 1 (LOW ROMANCE):
- Low intensity: "THE DOUBLE-BACKED WALRUS"
- Middling intensity: PROCREATION
- High intensity: WHAT YOUR PARENTS DID THE MOMENT YOU FELL ASLEEP.
Row 2 (MIDDLING ROMANCE):
- Low intensity: "POST-BUFFET RENDEZVOUS"
- Middling intensity: "DOINKING"
- High intensity: ACCIDENTAL PROCREATION
Row 3 (HIGH ROMANCE):
- Low intensity: MAKING LOVE
- Middling intensity: MAAKIN' LUUUVVV
- High intensity: MAWWKIN LAWWVV (rendered in wobbly, increasingly illegible handwriting)
Footer: smbc-comics.com
Votey:
A bright pink panel with a scrawled, barely-legible handwritten phrase that escalates the bottom-right cell of the grid even further. It reads approximately "MALKINNNNN LORVVVV" with a small "ghhnn" scribbled at the bottom right, the lettering devolving into illegible squiggles to convey extreme, overwrought passion.
The comic is a 3x3 grid. Column headers (intensity), left to right: LOW INTENSITY, MIDDLING INTENSITY, HIGH INTENSITY. Row headers (romance), top to bottom: LOW ROMANCE, MIDDLING ROMANCE, HIGH ROMANCE.
Row 1 (LOW ROMANCE):
- Low intensity: "THE DOUBLE-BACKED WALRUS"
- Middling intensity: PROCREATION
- High intensity: WHAT YOUR PARENTS DID THE MOMENT YOU FELL ASLEEP.
Row 2 (MIDDLING ROMANCE):
- Low intensity: "POST-BUFFET RENDEZVOUS"
- Middling intensity: "DOINKING"
- High intensity: ACCIDENTAL PROCREATION
Row 3 (HIGH ROMANCE):
- Low intensity: MAKING LOVE
- Middling intensity: MAAKIN' LUUUVVV
- High intensity: MAWWKIN LAWWVV (rendered in wobbly, increasingly illegible handwriting)
Footer: smbc-comics.com
Votey:
A bright pink panel with a scrawled, barely-legible handwritten phrase that escalates the bottom-right cell of the grid even further. It reads approximately "MALKINNNNN LORVVVV" with a small "ghhnn" scribbled at the bottom right, the lettering devolving into illegible squiggles to convey extreme, overwrought passion.
Alt text
An SMBC comic titled "SEX: A GUIDE," laid out as a 3x3 grid charting sex by two axes. Columns go left to right by intensity: LOW, MIDDLING, HIGH. Rows go top to bottom by romance: LOW, MIDDLING, HIGH. The cells, color-shifting from blue (low) to pink/red (high), read: Low romance row — "THE DOUBLE-BACKED WALRUS," PROCREATION, and "WHAT YOUR PARENTS DID THE MOMENT YOU FELL ASLEEP." Middling romance row — "POST-BUFFET RENDEZVOUS," "DOINKING," ACCIDENTAL PROCREATION. High romance row — MAKING LOVE, MAAKIN' LUUUVVV, and a final cell reading MAWWKIN LAWWVV in deliberately wobbly, barely-legible handwriting. The joke: as both romance and intensity max out, the phrase "making love" degrades into ecstatic, illegible scrawl. The votey aftercomic pushes this further: a bright pink panel filled with a wild, nearly unreadable handwritten scribble reading roughly "MALKINNNN LORVVV" with a tiny "ghhnn" in the corner, the words dissolving entirely into passion-induced gibberish.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.