religion-ruining-everything-since-4004-bc
Original: religion-ruining-everything-since-4004-bc on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Top banner (handwritten note from the author):
Hey, geeks! The following is an ad comic for my new book, Religion: Ruining Everything Since 4004 BC. We're selling it on Kickstarter for the next 30 days, and I'd appreciate if you'd click this comic to go have a look. When you come back, press Z three times for today's triple update.
—Thanks for reading! Zach
Panel 1: A red-haired, red-bearded man kneels and prays, hands clasped.
Man: Dear Lord, it's me, Zach Weinersmith.
Panel 2: A radiant glowing presence (God) shines down from the corner of the panel toward the man.
God: Oh! Are you the xkcd guy?
Zach: I... yes.
Panel 3:
God: I LOVE your work. Some days I laugh out loud. Some days... I cry. What you do is ART. It's poetry.
Zach: Yeah, yeah. I got it.
Panel 4:
Zach: Listen, I'm releasing a book of religion jokes today on Kickstarter. I was wondering if I could get your blessing for the cover.
God: Absolutely NOT. Unless all the jokes are uplifting and wholesome. You know, like Jack Chick's comics.
Panel 5:
Zach: Oh they are. I give you my word as the xkcd guy. If I'm lying, may lightning strike the xkcd guy.
God (small speech bubble): Then bless your book.
Panel 6:
God: hehehe.
Panel 7 (caption): And so...
A newspaper is held up. The front-page headline reads: "BEST CARTOONIST STRUCK BY LIGHTNING, GAINS MORE SUPERPOWERS." A photo caption reads "Nice" with a row of little symbols. A secondary headline reads: "SCIENTISTS: RED HAIR REMAINS UNATTRACTIVE ON MEN."
Panel 8: The red-haired man reads the newspaper.
Man: Dammit.
Final ad panel: A book cover is shown on the left, titled "RELIGION: RUINING EVERYTHING SINCE 4004 BC — A Collection of Religion-Themed Comics by Zach Weinersmith," depicting Adam and Eve in a garden with an apple.
Text: For sale now, on KICKSTARTER. Click here to check it out!
The red-haired man (small): Thanks geeks!
Votey:
A loosely sketched scene. One man asks another:
First man: Wait, so you're not the xkcd guy?
In the lower-left corner a small startled face looks on.
Hey, geeks! The following is an ad comic for my new book, Religion: Ruining Everything Since 4004 BC. We're selling it on Kickstarter for the next 30 days, and I'd appreciate if you'd click this comic to go have a look. When you come back, press Z three times for today's triple update.
—Thanks for reading! Zach
Panel 1: A red-haired, red-bearded man kneels and prays, hands clasped.
Man: Dear Lord, it's me, Zach Weinersmith.
Panel 2: A radiant glowing presence (God) shines down from the corner of the panel toward the man.
God: Oh! Are you the xkcd guy?
Zach: I... yes.
Panel 3:
God: I LOVE your work. Some days I laugh out loud. Some days... I cry. What you do is ART. It's poetry.
Zach: Yeah, yeah. I got it.
Panel 4:
Zach: Listen, I'm releasing a book of religion jokes today on Kickstarter. I was wondering if I could get your blessing for the cover.
God: Absolutely NOT. Unless all the jokes are uplifting and wholesome. You know, like Jack Chick's comics.
Panel 5:
Zach: Oh they are. I give you my word as the xkcd guy. If I'm lying, may lightning strike the xkcd guy.
God (small speech bubble): Then bless your book.
Panel 6:
God: hehehe.
Panel 7 (caption): And so...
A newspaper is held up. The front-page headline reads: "BEST CARTOONIST STRUCK BY LIGHTNING, GAINS MORE SUPERPOWERS." A photo caption reads "Nice" with a row of little symbols. A secondary headline reads: "SCIENTISTS: RED HAIR REMAINS UNATTRACTIVE ON MEN."
Panel 8: The red-haired man reads the newspaper.
Man: Dammit.
Final ad panel: A book cover is shown on the left, titled "RELIGION: RUINING EVERYTHING SINCE 4004 BC — A Collection of Religion-Themed Comics by Zach Weinersmith," depicting Adam and Eve in a garden with an apple.
Text: For sale now, on KICKSTARTER. Click here to check it out!
The red-haired man (small): Thanks geeks!
Votey:
A loosely sketched scene. One man asks another:
First man: Wait, so you're not the xkcd guy?
In the lower-left corner a small startled face looks on.
Alt text
An SMBC ad comic promoting Zach Weinersmith's Kickstarter book 'Religion: Ruining Everything Since 4004 BC.' A handwritten banner from the author introduces it. In the comic, a red-haired, red-bearded man (Zach) kneels to pray, and a glowing God appears. God excitedly asks, 'Oh! Are you the xkcd guy?' and gushes that the man's work is art and poetry; the man wearily says, 'Yeah, yeah. I got it.' He asks God to bless the cover of his book of religion jokes. God agrees only if the jokes are uplifting and wholesome 'like Jack Chick's comics.' The man swears 'as the xkcd guy' that they are, adding 'If I'm lying, may lightning strike the xkcd guy.' God blesses the book, then chuckles 'hehehe.' A newspaper headline reveals the result: 'BEST CARTOONIST STRUCK BY LIGHTNING, GAINS MORE SUPERPOWERS,' with a secondary headline 'SCIENTISTS: RED HAIR REMAINS UNATTRACTIVE ON MEN.' The red-haired man reads it and says 'Dammit.' A final panel shows the book cover and 'For sale now, on KICKSTARTER. Click here to check it out!' The joke: by swearing on the xkcd guy instead of himself, Zach technically lied to God, so the lightning struck the actual xkcd cartoonist (Randall Munroe), giving the wrong man superpowers. Votey (bonus panel): a loose sketch where one man asks another, 'Wait, so you're not the xkcd guy?' while a small startled face watches from the corner.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.