conspiracy-theory
Original: conspiracy-theory on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: An aide leans into a doorway, speaking to a man seated at a desk with a laptop.
Aide: "Yes, Mister President?"
Panel 2: The President (a man in a suit at the desk) gestures at the laptop.
President: "LOOK AT THIS!"
Panel 3: The President addresses the aide.
President: "There are these crazy conspiracy theorists who think every time a plane leaves behind condensation it's the government dropping chemicals!"
Panel 4: The aide responds.
Aide: "Yeah, and there are also people who think the moon landing was a hoax. What's your point?"
Panel 5: The President, excited.
President: "This is the biggest opportunity in history!"
Aide: "Huh?"
Panel 6: The President, grinning.
President: "Now we can ACTUALLY do all that stuff, and nobody will believe it!"
Panel 7: The President.
President: "I want a plane to drop squirrels. Pick any county that didn't vote for me."
Panel 8: The aide, deadpan.
Aide: "Sir, that's definitely illegal."
Panel 9: A box/crate is delivered (a wordless panel showing a cardboard box).
Panel 10: The President leans in toward the aide.
President: "Are you punishing employees via tiny planes of squirrel pee?"
Panel 11: The aide, fed up.
Aide: "I dare you to go to the media."
Votey: A single panel. A person with a worried/uneasy expression speaks.
Person: "Can I have a tissue?"
Off-panel voice: "Of course."
Aide: "Yes, Mister President?"
Panel 2: The President (a man in a suit at the desk) gestures at the laptop.
President: "LOOK AT THIS!"
Panel 3: The President addresses the aide.
President: "There are these crazy conspiracy theorists who think every time a plane leaves behind condensation it's the government dropping chemicals!"
Panel 4: The aide responds.
Aide: "Yeah, and there are also people who think the moon landing was a hoax. What's your point?"
Panel 5: The President, excited.
President: "This is the biggest opportunity in history!"
Aide: "Huh?"
Panel 6: The President, grinning.
President: "Now we can ACTUALLY do all that stuff, and nobody will believe it!"
Panel 7: The President.
President: "I want a plane to drop squirrels. Pick any county that didn't vote for me."
Panel 8: The aide, deadpan.
Aide: "Sir, that's definitely illegal."
Panel 9: A box/crate is delivered (a wordless panel showing a cardboard box).
Panel 10: The President leans in toward the aide.
President: "Are you punishing employees via tiny planes of squirrel pee?"
Panel 11: The aide, fed up.
Aide: "I dare you to go to the media."
Votey: A single panel. A person with a worried/uneasy expression speaks.
Person: "Can I have a tissue?"
Off-panel voice: "Of course."
Alt text
A color SMBC comic strip. An aide answers a summons from the President, who is excited about something on his laptop. The President explains that conspiracy theorists believe airplane contrails are the government secretly dropping chemicals, and that other people think the moon landing was a hoax. He gleefully realizes this is 'the biggest opportunity in history' because now the government can actually do outlandish things and nobody will believe it. He orders a plane to drop squirrels on counties that didn't vote for him; the aide flatly says that's illegal. A cardboard box is delivered. The President then asks if the aide is punishing employees with tiny planes of 'squirrel pee,' and the exasperated aide responds, 'I dare you to go to the media' (knowing no one would believe such an absurd accusation). The joke: outrageous truths become unfalsifiable once people assume everything is a conspiracy theory. Votey (bonus panel, black-and-white): a person with a nervous expression asks 'Can I have a tissue?' and an off-panel voice replies 'Of course.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.