2015-01-26
Original: 2015-01-26 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Title banner: KNOW YOUR BIRD-RELATED AUGURIES
A 3x3 grid chart. Each cell shows a bird illustration, its name, and the omen/augury it portends.
Row 1:
- RAVEN: DEATH
- SPARROW: GOOD LUCK
- EURASIAN KESTREL: NOBODY WILL EVER LOVE YOU
Row 2:
- BARNACLE GOOSE: RENT IS DUE
- CRESTED IBIS: YOUR ZIPPER IS UNDONE
- DWARF CASSOWARY: YOU NEED TO STOP DRINKING
Row 3:
- FULVOUS WHISTLING DUCK: YOUR SPOUSE LOATHES YOU. YEARS OF HATRED HAVE CONGEALED INTO A CONSTANT, QUIET MALAISE. THAT'S PLANET FORTH FROM YOUR ONCE-PASSIONATE SEX. [text partially obscured/handwritten]
- PTERODACTYL: THE TIME MACHINE WORKED
- PASSENGER PIGEON: THE TIME MACHINE WORKED A LITTLE
Votey:
A man with wild, wavy hair and a haggard expression looks toward a speech bubble.
Man: IF I DIDN'T HATE BIRDS, I DO NOW.
A 3x3 grid chart. Each cell shows a bird illustration, its name, and the omen/augury it portends.
Row 1:
- RAVEN: DEATH
- SPARROW: GOOD LUCK
- EURASIAN KESTREL: NOBODY WILL EVER LOVE YOU
Row 2:
- BARNACLE GOOSE: RENT IS DUE
- CRESTED IBIS: YOUR ZIPPER IS UNDONE
- DWARF CASSOWARY: YOU NEED TO STOP DRINKING
Row 3:
- FULVOUS WHISTLING DUCK: YOUR SPOUSE LOATHES YOU. YEARS OF HATRED HAVE CONGEALED INTO A CONSTANT, QUIET MALAISE. THAT'S PLANET FORTH FROM YOUR ONCE-PASSIONATE SEX. [text partially obscured/handwritten]
- PTERODACTYL: THE TIME MACHINE WORKED
- PASSENGER PIGEON: THE TIME MACHINE WORKED A LITTLE
Votey:
A man with wild, wavy hair and a haggard expression looks toward a speech bubble.
Man: IF I DIDN'T HATE BIRDS, I DO NOW.
Alt text
A nine-cell chart titled "KNOW YOUR BIRD-RELATED AUGURIES," laid out in a 3x3 grid. Each cell shows a small ink drawing of a bird with its name and the omen seeing it foretells. Top row: Raven means DEATH; Sparrow means GOOD LUCK; Eurasian Kestrel means NOBODY WILL EVER LOVE YOU. Middle row: Barnacle Goose means RENT IS DUE; Crested Ibis means YOUR ZIPPER IS UNDONE; Dwarf Cassowary means YOU NEED TO STOP DRINKING. Bottom row: Fulvous Whistling Duck has a long grim caption about your spouse loathing you and years of hatred congealing into a quiet malaise; Pterodactyl means THE TIME MACHINE WORKED; Passenger Pigeon means THE TIME MACHINE WORKED A LITTLE. The joke escalates from familiar folk omens to absurdly specific, bleak, and time-travel-themed predictions. Votey (bonus panel): a frazzled wild-haired man scowls beside a speech bubble reading "IF I DIDN'T HATE BIRDS, I DO NOW."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.