2015-01-19
Original: 2015-01-19 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (announcement, top):
Narrator/host: "Now that brain emulation is possible, we must select which brain will be the most useful to humanity!"
Panel 2 (a man with flame-like / spiky hair):
"We've received generous funding from corporations around the world, but the process is expensive, so we can only do it once. Make your case carefully."
Panel 3 (a smiling man):
"I've created more inventions than any person alive!"
Panel 4 (a person with long hair):
"I have written poems so beautiful that they stopped wars!"
Panel 5 (a man):
"I was the first person to understand the true structure of the universe!"
Panel 6 (a bald, bearded man):
"I derive erotic pleasure from performing repetitive industrial tasks."
Panel 7:
Voice (off-panel): "WE HAVE A WINNER!"
Votey:
The bald bearded man (the winner), now emulated, thinks in a thought bubble: "SUCKERS"
Narrator/host: "Now that brain emulation is possible, we must select which brain will be the most useful to humanity!"
Panel 2 (a man with flame-like / spiky hair):
"We've received generous funding from corporations around the world, but the process is expensive, so we can only do it once. Make your case carefully."
Panel 3 (a smiling man):
"I've created more inventions than any person alive!"
Panel 4 (a person with long hair):
"I have written poems so beautiful that they stopped wars!"
Panel 5 (a man):
"I was the first person to understand the true structure of the universe!"
Panel 6 (a bald, bearded man):
"I derive erotic pleasure from performing repetitive industrial tasks."
Panel 7:
Voice (off-panel): "WE HAVE A WINNER!"
Votey:
The bald bearded man (the winner), now emulated, thinks in a thought bubble: "SUCKERS"
Alt text
A seven-panel SMBC comic. A host announces that since brain emulation is now possible, humanity must select the single most useful brain to upload, and a flame-haired man explains the process is so expensive it can only be done once, so candidates must make their case. Three candidates boast: one claims to have created more inventions than anyone alive, another wrote poems so beautiful they stopped wars, a third was first to understand the true structure of the universe. The final candidate, a bald bearded man, flatly says he derives erotic pleasure from performing repetitive industrial tasks. An off-panel voice shouts 'WE HAVE A WINNER!' Votey: a close-up of the bald bearded man's face, now uploaded, smugly thinking in a thought bubble: 'SUCKERS' — implying he conned his way into immortality by claiming he'd happily do tedious labor forever.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.