2014-08-08
Original: 2014-08-08 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A bald scientist in a lab coat gestures proudly.
Scientist: WELCOME TO MY MAD SCIENCE LAB!
A younger man (visitor): UM. LOOKS PRETTY EMPTY.
Panel 2: The scientist explains.
Scientist: I JUST GOT MY MAD PROFESSORSHIP AND A LITTLE MAD LAB SPACE, BUT THE MAD STARTUP MONEY WAS PRETTY LOW.
Panel 3: The scientist continues.
Scientist: THE NATIONAL MAD SCIENCE FUND IS PRETTY STRAPPED RIGHT NOW, AND I DIDN'T DO ENOUGH MAD YOUTH OUTREACH IN MAD GRAD SCHOOL, SO IT'S NOT A TOP TIER INSTITUTION.
Panel 4: The scientist holds up papers.
Scientist: SO I'M WORKING ON A *SCARY AS F*** GRANT APPLICATION.
Panel 5: The scientist looks frustrated, holding the paper.
Scientist: THE LAST ONE WAS REJECTED BECAUSE I USED THE WRONG MARGIN SIZE. BUT IF THIS ONE GETS PAST ALL THREE STAGES, MWAHUHO! IF THERE'S ENOUGH MONEY LEFT AFTER THE UNIVERSITY GETS ITS CUT.
Visitor (thinking/reacting): MY GOD. THE BUREAUCRACY WORKS!
Votey:
In profile, the scientist somberly reads a sheet of paper that says: REJECTED -> Bad font choice
Scientist: WELCOME TO MY MAD SCIENCE LAB!
A younger man (visitor): UM. LOOKS PRETTY EMPTY.
Panel 2: The scientist explains.
Scientist: I JUST GOT MY MAD PROFESSORSHIP AND A LITTLE MAD LAB SPACE, BUT THE MAD STARTUP MONEY WAS PRETTY LOW.
Panel 3: The scientist continues.
Scientist: THE NATIONAL MAD SCIENCE FUND IS PRETTY STRAPPED RIGHT NOW, AND I DIDN'T DO ENOUGH MAD YOUTH OUTREACH IN MAD GRAD SCHOOL, SO IT'S NOT A TOP TIER INSTITUTION.
Panel 4: The scientist holds up papers.
Scientist: SO I'M WORKING ON A *SCARY AS F*** GRANT APPLICATION.
Panel 5: The scientist looks frustrated, holding the paper.
Scientist: THE LAST ONE WAS REJECTED BECAUSE I USED THE WRONG MARGIN SIZE. BUT IF THIS ONE GETS PAST ALL THREE STAGES, MWAHUHO! IF THERE'S ENOUGH MONEY LEFT AFTER THE UNIVERSITY GETS ITS CUT.
Visitor (thinking/reacting): MY GOD. THE BUREAUCRACY WORKS!
Votey:
In profile, the scientist somberly reads a sheet of paper that says: REJECTED -> Bad font choice
Alt text
A five-panel black-and-white comic. A bald scientist in a lab coat proudly welcomes a younger visitor to his 'mad science lab,' which the visitor notes looks pretty empty. The scientist explains that his mad professorship came with little startup money, the National Mad Science Fund is strapped, and his lack of 'mad youth outreach' in grad school means he's not at a top-tier institution. He says he's working on a 'scary as f**' grant application; the last one was rejected for using the wrong margin size, and even if this one passes all three stages, the university takes most of the money. The visitor reacts with horror: 'My God. The bureaucracy works!' The joke is that the supernatural trappings of 'mad science' are fully subsumed by mundane academic grant bureaucracy. Votey: A side-profile drawing of the scientist somberly reading a paper stamped 'REJECTED -> Bad font choice.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.