2014-03-15
Original: 2014-03-15 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (caption over a field of blue squares): WITH MODERN COMPRESSION ALGORITHMS, IMAGES CAN BE STORED IN TINY AMOUNTS OF MEMORY.
Panel 2 (caption over chemical structure diagrams): WITH MODERN TECHNOLOGY, MEMORY CAN BE THE SIZE AND WEIGHT OF A FEW CELLS.
Panel 3 (caption over more chemical structure diagrams): WITH MODERN MANUFACTURING, THAT MEMORY CAN BE RECREATED MILLION OF TIMES PER SECOND.
Panel 4 (a man holding a sandwich, taking a bite): Caption: WITH HATRED FOR THE MODERN WORLD IN MIND, I TOOK AN IMAGE OF MY WIENER, MOLECULARIZED IT, AND CREATED BILLIONS OF COPIES.
Man (eating): Mmm
Panel 5 (the man holding up a sign that reads "MOLECULAR WIENER PICS"): Caption: MY WIENER IS EVERYWHERE. IN YOUR HOUSE. IN YOUR FOOD. IN YOUR BODY.
Panel 6 (the man, now wild-eyed, gesturing while a red-haired figure looks on): Caption: HUMAN ECOLOGY IS NOW SUFFUSE WITH MY WIENER. MY WIENER WILL REMAIN HERE LONG AFTER HUMANS ARE NO MORE.
Panel 7 (flashback, marked "EARLIER..."; a smiling red-haired man addresses the first man): EARLIER...
Red-haired man: HANK, HOW ARE YOU SO CONFIDENT ALL THE TIME?
Votey: Hand-lettered text reads: "10 POINTS IF YOU IDENTIFY ALL THE STUPID JOKES".
Panel 2 (caption over chemical structure diagrams): WITH MODERN TECHNOLOGY, MEMORY CAN BE THE SIZE AND WEIGHT OF A FEW CELLS.
Panel 3 (caption over more chemical structure diagrams): WITH MODERN MANUFACTURING, THAT MEMORY CAN BE RECREATED MILLION OF TIMES PER SECOND.
Panel 4 (a man holding a sandwich, taking a bite): Caption: WITH HATRED FOR THE MODERN WORLD IN MIND, I TOOK AN IMAGE OF MY WIENER, MOLECULARIZED IT, AND CREATED BILLIONS OF COPIES.
Man (eating): Mmm
Panel 5 (the man holding up a sign that reads "MOLECULAR WIENER PICS"): Caption: MY WIENER IS EVERYWHERE. IN YOUR HOUSE. IN YOUR FOOD. IN YOUR BODY.
Panel 6 (the man, now wild-eyed, gesturing while a red-haired figure looks on): Caption: HUMAN ECOLOGY IS NOW SUFFUSE WITH MY WIENER. MY WIENER WILL REMAIN HERE LONG AFTER HUMANS ARE NO MORE.
Panel 7 (flashback, marked "EARLIER..."; a smiling red-haired man addresses the first man): EARLIER...
Red-haired man: HANK, HOW ARE YOU SO CONFIDENT ALL THE TIME?
Votey: Hand-lettered text reads: "10 POINTS IF YOU IDENTIFY ALL THE STUPID JOKES".
Alt text
A tall multi-panel SMBC comic. The first three panels are captions laid over abstract imagery: a grid of blue squares, then panels filled with hand-drawn organic chemistry molecular structures. The captions build an argument: modern compression stores images in tiny memory; modern technology makes memory the size of a few cells; modern manufacturing can recreate that memory millions of times per second. In the fourth panel a dark-haired man takes a bite of a sandwich, with the caption: 'With hatred for the modern world in mind, I took an image of my wiener, molecularized it, and created billions of copies.' Next he holds up a hand-drawn sign labeled 'MOLECULAR WIENER PICS,' over the caption that his wiener is now everywhere, in your house, food, and body. In the following panel he is wild-eyed and ranting that human ecology is now suffused with his wiener and it will outlast humanity, while a red-haired man watches. The final panel cuts to a flashback labeled 'EARLIER...': the smiling red-haired man asks, 'Hank, how are you so confident all the time?' Votey panel: a hand-lettered note in a sketchy frame reads '10 POINTS IF YOU IDENTIFY ALL THE STUPID JOKES.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.