2013-10-24
Original: 2013-10-24 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Child (off-panel/small figure): Mom! Bobby hit me! Can I hit him back?
Panel 2:
Mother: Okay, new house rule: Any hit you got back with power that's some ratio from 0 to 1 of the original hit. The ratio you must select.
(Caption: 3 weeks later)
Panel 3:
Daughter (shocked): Oh my god! What happened?!
Panel 4:
Son (bruised, swollen face): If the ratio is 0 then the initial hitter has 50, so it's not fair.
Daughter: If the ratio is between 0 and 1, the puncher weakens over time, but the first striker still gets hit less.
Panel 5:
Son: The only fair ratio is 1/1.
Daughter: But since the punches don't weaken, you get infinite punches.
Panel 6:
Son: The only way to create fairness and end violence is to pick a ratio so close to 1/1 that two consecutive punches feel the same. We settled on .9111.
Panel 7:
Daughter: We expect punch strength to become negligible around the 300,000th punch.
Son: Oh my god.
Panel 8:
Mother (horrified): Oh. My. God.
Panel 9:
Father (silhouette, red background): Cool!
Panel 10:
Father (close-up, grinning): My kids do real analysis.
Votey:
Caption over a baby's face: Being a good parent is about WINNING.
Child (off-panel/small figure): Mom! Bobby hit me! Can I hit him back?
Panel 2:
Mother: Okay, new house rule: Any hit you got back with power that's some ratio from 0 to 1 of the original hit. The ratio you must select.
(Caption: 3 weeks later)
Panel 3:
Daughter (shocked): Oh my god! What happened?!
Panel 4:
Son (bruised, swollen face): If the ratio is 0 then the initial hitter has 50, so it's not fair.
Daughter: If the ratio is between 0 and 1, the puncher weakens over time, but the first striker still gets hit less.
Panel 5:
Son: The only fair ratio is 1/1.
Daughter: But since the punches don't weaken, you get infinite punches.
Panel 6:
Son: The only way to create fairness and end violence is to pick a ratio so close to 1/1 that two consecutive punches feel the same. We settled on .9111.
Panel 7:
Daughter: We expect punch strength to become negligible around the 300,000th punch.
Son: Oh my god.
Panel 8:
Mother (horrified): Oh. My. God.
Panel 9:
Father (silhouette, red background): Cool!
Panel 10:
Father (close-up, grinning): My kids do real analysis.
Votey:
Caption over a baby's face: Being a good parent is about WINNING.
Alt text
A ten-panel SMBC comic. Panel 1: A small child calls out, "Mom! Bobby hit me! Can I hit him back?" Panel 2: The mother answers, "Okay, new house rule: Any hit you got back with power that's some ratio from 0 to 1 of the original hit. The ratio you must select." A caption reads "3 weeks later." Panel 3: A girl looks shocked: "Oh my god! What happened?!" Panels 4-7: A boy with a badly bruised, swollen face and the girl explain, in escalating mathematical detail, how they analyzed the retaliation rule as a geometric series. A ratio of 0 is unfair (the first hitter keeps 50); a ratio between 0 and 1 weakens punches over time but still favors the first striker; the only fair ratio is 1/1, but that yields infinite punches; so they chose .9111 to make consecutive punches feel equal, expecting punch strength to become negligible around the 300,000th punch. Both kids end with "Oh my god." Panel 8: The mother, horrified, says, "Oh. My. God." Panel 9: The father, shown as a red silhouette, exclaims "Cool!" Panel 10: A grinning close-up of the father: "My kids do real analysis." Votey: A close-up of a baby's face with hand-lettered text reading, "Being a good parent is about WINNING."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.