2013-08-25
Original: 2013-08-25 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A woman at a control console speaks into a radio.
Woman (Sally): I'm sorry, but the engines can't be fixed. There's no way to get you back from Mars. This is it, Sally.
Panel 2: View of mission control with another operator at a console.
Voice on radio: We here on Earth can only imagine the sense of dignity you must be feeling.
Panel 3: A small figure of an astronaut stands alone on the surface of Mars.
Astronaut: I've been on two planets.
Panel 4: Close-up of the astronaut in the helmet, looking proud/serene.
Astronaut: Every other human has only ever been on one. And you're too old for rockets, Jimmy, so you'll die on the little rock where every other human has died.
Panel 5: The astronaut, face shadowed inside the helmet.
Astronaut: I am buried in the twinkles in your darkness. I am the great traveler. If a single MICROBE from my body survives, the entire ecology of this world will descend from MY DNA.
Panel 6: Silent panel — the astronaut standing on the Martian surface.
Panel 7: A small figure on Mars again.
Panel 8: The astronaut shouts triumphantly toward the sky/space.
Astronaut: Eat my isolated ass, Earthling!
Panel 9: Back at mission control, the radio operator looks puzzled/uneasy at the console.
Votey:
Panel 1: The mission control operator (a person with a speech bubble) exclaims.
Operator: Whoa! Engines just came back up!
Astronaut (radio reply, deadpan): Interesting...
Woman (Sally): I'm sorry, but the engines can't be fixed. There's no way to get you back from Mars. This is it, Sally.
Panel 2: View of mission control with another operator at a console.
Voice on radio: We here on Earth can only imagine the sense of dignity you must be feeling.
Panel 3: A small figure of an astronaut stands alone on the surface of Mars.
Astronaut: I've been on two planets.
Panel 4: Close-up of the astronaut in the helmet, looking proud/serene.
Astronaut: Every other human has only ever been on one. And you're too old for rockets, Jimmy, so you'll die on the little rock where every other human has died.
Panel 5: The astronaut, face shadowed inside the helmet.
Astronaut: I am buried in the twinkles in your darkness. I am the great traveler. If a single MICROBE from my body survives, the entire ecology of this world will descend from MY DNA.
Panel 6: Silent panel — the astronaut standing on the Martian surface.
Panel 7: A small figure on Mars again.
Panel 8: The astronaut shouts triumphantly toward the sky/space.
Astronaut: Eat my isolated ass, Earthling!
Panel 9: Back at mission control, the radio operator looks puzzled/uneasy at the console.
Votey:
Panel 1: The mission control operator (a person with a speech bubble) exclaims.
Operator: Whoa! Engines just came back up!
Astronaut (radio reply, deadpan): Interesting...
Alt text
A nine-panel SMBC comic. An astronaut stranded on Mars learns over the radio that the engines can't be fixed and there's no way to bring them back to Earth. Mission control says they can only imagine the astronaut's sense of dignity. The astronaut, alone on the red Martian surface, delivers a grandiose monologue about being one of only humans ever to stand on two planets, declaring themselves 'the great traveler' and boasting that if a single microbe from their body survives, the entire ecology of Mars will descend from their DNA. Finally the astronaut shouts triumphantly at the sky: 'Eat my isolated ass, Earthling!' The last panel shows the mission control operator looking puzzled. In the votey (bonus panel), the operator suddenly exclaims 'Whoa! Engines just came back up!' — meaning the astronaut can be rescued after all — and the astronaut, who just gave a heroic farewell speech, replies flatly: 'Interesting...'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.