2013-08-24
Original: 2013-08-24 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Narration: The first patient with zombie disease was infected by accident.
Scientist (older man): Hmm... I wonder which monkey dosage is tastiest.
Panel 2:
Narration: Mathematical models predicted exponential spread of infection.
(A node-and-edge network diagram of green dots connected by lines.)
Panel 3:
Narration: They were right.
(A crowd of green zombie figures.)
Panel 4:
Narration: Mathematically right, but epidemiology doesn't obey simple rules. Diseases evolve to become less deadly in their respective owners. As the zombie disease... as the transmission rate will go up.
Panel 5:
Narration: Soon, a weaker strain appeared.
Green zombie: So I'm dating a zombie.
Woman: What?
Green zombie: He's got zombie disease II. He doesn't want to consume me, and he really cares about my brains.
Panel 6:
Narration: Weaker and weaker strains dominated. Zombie disease became indistinguishable from the disease before.
Woman: Wait, is that guy a zombie?
Green zombie: What do you mean?
Panel 7:
Narration: Eventually non-zombie people were weirded out.
Green zombie: I'm sorry, I want to be with Sally. She just gets me.
Panel 8:
Narration: Now and then, zombie-resistant kids are born.
Green zombie (in a hospital bed, with another figure): Oh god... I blame myself.
Other figure: Don't, dear. Don't.
Panel 9:
Narration: We try to treat these well.
Green zombie/parent: Why is that guy a zombie?
Green zombie/parent: Sorry, Marla. That's just part of human syndrome.
(A small swaddled baby in a bassinet/crib.)
Votey:
Handwritten note: "Now, go Google for Toxoplasma gondii" (the words "Toxoplasma" and "gondii" are underlined).
Narration: The first patient with zombie disease was infected by accident.
Scientist (older man): Hmm... I wonder which monkey dosage is tastiest.
Panel 2:
Narration: Mathematical models predicted exponential spread of infection.
(A node-and-edge network diagram of green dots connected by lines.)
Panel 3:
Narration: They were right.
(A crowd of green zombie figures.)
Panel 4:
Narration: Mathematically right, but epidemiology doesn't obey simple rules. Diseases evolve to become less deadly in their respective owners. As the zombie disease... as the transmission rate will go up.
Panel 5:
Narration: Soon, a weaker strain appeared.
Green zombie: So I'm dating a zombie.
Woman: What?
Green zombie: He's got zombie disease II. He doesn't want to consume me, and he really cares about my brains.
Panel 6:
Narration: Weaker and weaker strains dominated. Zombie disease became indistinguishable from the disease before.
Woman: Wait, is that guy a zombie?
Green zombie: What do you mean?
Panel 7:
Narration: Eventually non-zombie people were weirded out.
Green zombie: I'm sorry, I want to be with Sally. She just gets me.
Panel 8:
Narration: Now and then, zombie-resistant kids are born.
Green zombie (in a hospital bed, with another figure): Oh god... I blame myself.
Other figure: Don't, dear. Don't.
Panel 9:
Narration: We try to treat these well.
Green zombie/parent: Why is that guy a zombie?
Green zombie/parent: Sorry, Marla. That's just part of human syndrome.
(A small swaddled baby in a bassinet/crib.)
Votey:
Handwritten note: "Now, go Google for Toxoplasma gondii" (the words "Toxoplasma" and "gondii" are underlined).
Alt text
A tall, multi-panel black-and-white SMBC comic about zombie disease evolving via natural selection. Panel 1: an older scientist muses, "Hmm... I wonder which monkey dosage is tastiest," while narration explains the first zombie-disease patient was infected by accident. Panel 2: a network diagram of green dots and connecting lines illustrates predicted exponential spread. Panel 3: a crowd of green zombies; narration says "They were right." Panel 4: narration argues that epidemiology doesn't obey simple rules and diseases evolve to become less deadly. Panel 5: "Soon, a weaker strain appeared." A green zombie tells a startled woman, "So I'm dating a zombie... he's got zombie disease II. He doesn't want to consume me, and he really cares about my brains." Panels 6-7: progressively weaker strains dominate until zombie disease is indistinguishable from before, and non-zombie people get weirded out; one zombie says "I'm sorry, I want to be with Sally. She just gets me." Panel 8: in a hospital, a grieving zombie laments "Oh god... I blame myself" over a zombie-resistant newborn, comforted with "Don't, dear. Don't." Panel 9: zombies now treat these rare non-zombie kids gently, with a parent explaining "That's just part of human syndrome" over a baby in a crib. The joke: the zombie plague evolves into harmless normalcy, flipping the script so being human is now the rare 'syndrome.' Votey: a hand-drawn note reading "Now, go Google for Toxoplasma gondii," pointing the reader to a real brain-altering parasite.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.