2013-08-14
Original: 2013-08-14 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A news anchor in a suit speaks to the camera.
News anchor: "...which ended in tragedy."
Panel 2: The anchor continues, reassuring.
News anchor: "Fortunately, this one violent incident bears no statistical relation to your average safety level, and in fact the level of violence in your country has been trending down for decades."
Panel 3: The anchor continues.
News anchor: "We are merely reporting it because we believe you're too dumb to appreciate things that actually affect your lives, and you've done nothing to convince us otherwise."
Panel 4: A man in a baseball cap and headset (a producer/director) responds, apparently into a comms channel.
Producer: "Very funny, Tom. Now, we're on again in three... two..."
Panel 5: The anchor, back on the air, speaks with alarm.
News anchor: "Nipples. Their perverting influence is well known. But could even small babies be in danger?"
Votey:
The anchor smiles warmly at the camera.
A speech bubble above reads: "But first: local lady likes puppies!"
News anchor: "...which ended in tragedy."
Panel 2: The anchor continues, reassuring.
News anchor: "Fortunately, this one violent incident bears no statistical relation to your average safety level, and in fact the level of violence in your country has been trending down for decades."
Panel 3: The anchor continues.
News anchor: "We are merely reporting it because we believe you're too dumb to appreciate things that actually affect your lives, and you've done nothing to convince us otherwise."
Panel 4: A man in a baseball cap and headset (a producer/director) responds, apparently into a comms channel.
Producer: "Very funny, Tom. Now, we're on again in three... two..."
Panel 5: The anchor, back on the air, speaks with alarm.
News anchor: "Nipples. Their perverting influence is well known. But could even small babies be in danger?"
Votey:
The anchor smiles warmly at the camera.
A speech bubble above reads: "But first: local lady likes puppies!"
Alt text
A five-panel comic poking fun at fearmongering TV news. A suited news anchor reports on a violent incident, then admits it 'bears no statistical relation to your average safety level' and that violence has trended down for decades. He says they only report it because they believe the audience is too dumb to appreciate things that actually affect their lives. A man in a baseball cap and headset (the producer) says, 'Very funny, Tom. Now, we're on again in three... two...' Back on air, the anchor switches to alarmist mode: 'Nipples. Their perverting influence is well known. But could even small babies be in danger?' Votey: a hand-drawn smiling anchor under a speech bubble reading 'But first: local lady likes puppies!'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.