2013-05-29
Original: 2013-05-29 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Alien: We believe it is the goal of every species to behave with the best ethics possible.
Woman: The what?
Panel 2:
Alien: The best ethics. You know? Ethics? It's like, "trying to maximize how happy everybody is."
Woman: What's "happy"?
Panel 3:
Alien: Happy! It's, uh, happy. It's an emotion you get usually because you benefit, or someone else benefits, and you feel it vicariously.
Woman: And "emotion"?
Panel 4:
Alien: Emotion is a sort of heuristic way of thinking. Like, when you can't use logic to solve a problem, or understand a situation, you feel emotions about it instead.
Woman: So, let me get this straight.
Panel 5:
Woman: You have a vague, unreliable mode of thought called "emotion," of which you have an arbitrary subcategory called "happy," which you've chosen as the counting unit to determine your value as a species.
Panel 6:
Alien: Yeah, pretty much. What do XORlaxians consider the highest behavior?
Woman: Sexually torturing inferior species.
Panel 7:
(A flying saucer departs into a starry sky.)
Woman (from the ship): What was the point of this meeting again?
Panel 8:
Alien: I just wanted your perspective.
Votey:
Woman: What's perspective?
Alien: We believe it is the goal of every species to behave with the best ethics possible.
Woman: The what?
Panel 2:
Alien: The best ethics. You know? Ethics? It's like, "trying to maximize how happy everybody is."
Woman: What's "happy"?
Panel 3:
Alien: Happy! It's, uh, happy. It's an emotion you get usually because you benefit, or someone else benefits, and you feel it vicariously.
Woman: And "emotion"?
Panel 4:
Alien: Emotion is a sort of heuristic way of thinking. Like, when you can't use logic to solve a problem, or understand a situation, you feel emotions about it instead.
Woman: So, let me get this straight.
Panel 5:
Woman: You have a vague, unreliable mode of thought called "emotion," of which you have an arbitrary subcategory called "happy," which you've chosen as the counting unit to determine your value as a species.
Panel 6:
Alien: Yeah, pretty much. What do XORlaxians consider the highest behavior?
Woman: Sexually torturing inferior species.
Panel 7:
(A flying saucer departs into a starry sky.)
Woman (from the ship): What was the point of this meeting again?
Panel 8:
Alien: I just wanted your perspective.
Votey:
Woman: What's perspective?
Alt text
An eight-panel SMBC comic. A green alien with a large head talks with a human woman in a hooded robe. The alien explains that every species should behave with the best ethics possible, which it defines as maximizing how happy everyone is. The woman keeps asking what each concept means: "What's happy?", "And emotion?". The alien explains happiness is an emotion felt when you or someone else benefits, and that emotion is a heuristic way of thinking used when logic can't solve a problem. The woman summarizes it back coldly: humans have a vague, unreliable mode of thought called emotion, with an arbitrary subcategory called happy, chosen as the counting unit for their species' worth. The alien says yeah, pretty much, then asks what her species, the XORlaxians, considers the highest behavior. She replies flatly: "Sexually torturing inferior species." In the next panel a flying saucer departs into a starry sky as she asks what the point of the meeting was; the alien says it just wanted her perspective. Votey panel: a close-up of the hooded woman's face with a speech bubble asking, "What's perspective?"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.