2013-02-08
Original: 2013-02-08 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
A scientist (woman in a lab coat) is presenting to a man in a suit, panel by panel, top to bottom.
Panel 1:
Narration: A common problem for scientists is that rats aren't humans.
Scientist: We cured cancer in rats!
Man: Again?
Panel 2:
Narration: Many horrible human ailments were completely eradicable in rats.
Scientist: We can make rats immortal.
Man: Sure. Which way?
Panel 3:
Narration: But rats differ with the best animal model we've pressed on.
Scientist: We can make hyper-intelligent rat breeds.
Man: Yeah. I bet there's a trade-off in muscle strength.
Scientist: Nope!
Panel 4:
Narration: Over time, it became worse and worse to get research money and funding because scientists wanted more and more specific programs.
Man: What's your experiment?
Scientist: We're trying to create more humanoid rats for better testing.
Panel 5:
Narration: By the time we realized what was happening, it was too late.
Scientist: Rats now control the NIH!
Man: How?
Man: Telepathy.
Panel 6 (narration from a hunched, ratlike figure at a desk):
This account was written from my cage. I don't know how many of us are left, but I do have hope.
The smell may turn again. Maybe we trained the humans for telepathic degeneration because they aren't telepathic.
Maybe we could make a new breed.
Votey:
First person: Have you ever seen a rat?
Second person: Yeah. On Ninja Turtles.
Panel 1:
Narration: A common problem for scientists is that rats aren't humans.
Scientist: We cured cancer in rats!
Man: Again?
Panel 2:
Narration: Many horrible human ailments were completely eradicable in rats.
Scientist: We can make rats immortal.
Man: Sure. Which way?
Panel 3:
Narration: But rats differ with the best animal model we've pressed on.
Scientist: We can make hyper-intelligent rat breeds.
Man: Yeah. I bet there's a trade-off in muscle strength.
Scientist: Nope!
Panel 4:
Narration: Over time, it became worse and worse to get research money and funding because scientists wanted more and more specific programs.
Man: What's your experiment?
Scientist: We're trying to create more humanoid rats for better testing.
Panel 5:
Narration: By the time we realized what was happening, it was too late.
Scientist: Rats now control the NIH!
Man: How?
Man: Telepathy.
Panel 6 (narration from a hunched, ratlike figure at a desk):
This account was written from my cage. I don't know how many of us are left, but I do have hope.
The smell may turn again. Maybe we trained the humans for telepathic degeneration because they aren't telepathic.
Maybe we could make a new breed.
Votey:
First person: Have you ever seen a rat?
Second person: Yeah. On Ninja Turtles.
Alt text
A multi-panel SMBC comic showing a conversation between a woman in a lab coat (a scientist) and a man in a suit. Across the panels, the scientist enthusiastically lists what they can do to rats in research: cure cancer (the man wearily says 'Again?'), eradicate human ailments, make rats immortal, and breed hyper-intelligent rats. The man keeps probing skeptically, betting there must be a trade-off in muscle strength (there isn't). The scientist explains that funding pressures pushed scientists to make ever more humanlike, intelligent rats for better testing. The final panels reveal a horror twist: hyper-intelligent telepathic rats have taken over the NIH, and the last panel is narrated by a hunched, ratlike figure writing from a cage, hoping to make a new breed and turn the tables on the humans. The votey, drawn in a simpler crude style, shows two people talking: one asks 'Have you ever seen a rat?' and the other replies, 'Yeah. On Ninja Turtles.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.