2013-02-12
Original: 2013-02-12 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Caption: GREGOR SAMSA AWOKE TO FIND HIMSELF A GIANT INSECT.
Gregor (the giant insect): No.
Caption: HE WAS CONFUSED AND DISGUSTED. HIS BODY AND SENSATIONS WERE ALIEN AND HORRIBLE.
Gregor: Nothing tastes right. Nothing smells right.
Caption: HIS PARENTS WERE HAPPY TO HEAR THE CHANGE.
Woman: Book deal!?!
Man: Book deal!
Caption: GREGOR BECAME WEALTHY AND RESPECTED FOR HIS ARTISTIC TALENTS.
(TIME magazine cover showing Gregor the insect.)
Caption: HIS TASTES AND PROCLIVITIES WERE INHUMAN, BUT THIS WAS CONSIDERED PROOF OF HIS GENIUS.
Woman 1: I hear he rolls his feces into balls and lives inside it.
Woman 2: What a bohemian!
Caption: HE USED THE MONEY TO FOUND A RESEARCH CENTER TO STUDY HIS METAMORPHOSIS.
Scientist: ...and that's what happened.
Woman: And that explanation is beautiful, sensible, and completely satisfying.
Caption: THE RESULTS WERE EVEN MORE LUCRATIVE THAN HIS ART CAREER.
Gregor: I want to spend more time enjoying life.
Caption: HE MARRIED FOR LOVE, DEVOTED HIS LIFE TO ART AND PHILANTHROPY, AND DIED SURROUNDED BY LOVED ONES.
Votey:
Man on the phone: I'M TAKING OUT THE TIME TRAVEL. I HOPE YOU'VE LEARNED YOUR LESSON.
Gregor (the giant insect): No.
Caption: HE WAS CONFUSED AND DISGUSTED. HIS BODY AND SENSATIONS WERE ALIEN AND HORRIBLE.
Gregor: Nothing tastes right. Nothing smells right.
Caption: HIS PARENTS WERE HAPPY TO HEAR THE CHANGE.
Woman: Book deal!?!
Man: Book deal!
Caption: GREGOR BECAME WEALTHY AND RESPECTED FOR HIS ARTISTIC TALENTS.
(TIME magazine cover showing Gregor the insect.)
Caption: HIS TASTES AND PROCLIVITIES WERE INHUMAN, BUT THIS WAS CONSIDERED PROOF OF HIS GENIUS.
Woman 1: I hear he rolls his feces into balls and lives inside it.
Woman 2: What a bohemian!
Caption: HE USED THE MONEY TO FOUND A RESEARCH CENTER TO STUDY HIS METAMORPHOSIS.
Scientist: ...and that's what happened.
Woman: And that explanation is beautiful, sensible, and completely satisfying.
Caption: THE RESULTS WERE EVEN MORE LUCRATIVE THAN HIS ART CAREER.
Gregor: I want to spend more time enjoying life.
Caption: HE MARRIED FOR LOVE, DEVOTED HIS LIFE TO ART AND PHILANTHROPY, AND DIED SURROUNDED BY LOVED ONES.
Votey:
Man on the phone: I'M TAKING OUT THE TIME TRAVEL. I HOPE YOU'VE LEARNED YOUR LESSON.
Alt text
A tall multi-panel black-and-white comic parodying Kafka's The Metamorphosis, narrated by captions above each panel. Panel 1: 'GREGOR SAMSA AWOKE TO FIND HIMSELF A GIANT INSECT.' A large beetle-like insect lies in bed saying 'No.' Panel 2: 'HE WAS CONFUSED AND DISGUSTED. HIS BODY AND SENSATIONS WERE ALIEN AND HORRIBLE.' The insect stands upright complaining 'Nothing tastes right. Nothing smells right.' Panel 3: 'HIS PARENTS WERE HAPPY TO HEAR THE CHANGE.' Two delighted parents shout 'Book deal!?!' and 'Book deal!' beside the insect. Panel 4: 'GREGOR BECAME WEALTHY AND RESPECTED FOR HIS ARTISTIC TALENTS.' A TIME magazine cover features the insect's portrait. Panel 5: 'HIS TASTES AND PROCLIVITIES WERE INHUMAN, BUT THIS WAS CONSIDERED PROOF OF HIS GENIUS.' Two gossiping women: 'I hear he rolls his feces into balls and lives inside it.' / 'What a bohemian!' Panel 6: 'HE USED THE MONEY TO FOUND A RESEARCH CENTER TO STUDY HIS METAMORPHOSIS.' A scientist at a desk finishes explaining ('...and that's what happened') to an admiring woman who calls the explanation 'beautiful, sensible, and completely satisfying.' Panel 7: 'THE RESULTS WERE EVEN MORE LUCRATIVE THAN HIS ART CAREER.' The insect relaxes on a tropical beach, saying 'I want to spend more time enjoying life.' Final panel: 'HE MARRIED FOR LOVE, DEVOTED HIS LIFE TO ART AND PHILANTHROPY, AND DIED SURROUNDED BY LOVED ONES,' showing the smiling insect with his human family. The joke inverts Kafka's tragic tale into an absurdly successful, happy life. Votey (a separate small bonus panel): a stern man holds a phone to his ear and says 'I'M TAKING OUT THE TIME TRAVEL. I HOPE YOU'VE LEARNED YOUR LESSON.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.