2013-02-04
Original: 2013-02-04 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Title caption (yellow banner): I WISH CELEBRITY GOSSIP WERE MORE SCIENTIFIC
Panel 1:
A smiling man in a dark suit and red tie gestures with open hands, speaking to the viewer in front of a red background.
Man: TODAY, PHOTONS WERE EMITTED FROM A SODIUM-VAPOR LAMP AND REFLECTED OFF THE GENITALIA OF A HIGH STATUS HUMAN INTO A CHARGED COUPLED DEVICE. OTHER HUMANS ARE SAYING THE HIGH STATUS HUMAN MAKES CAPRICIOUS REPRODUCTIVE CHOICES.
Votey:
A close-up of the same man grinning.
Man: AM I RIGHT?
Panel 1:
A smiling man in a dark suit and red tie gestures with open hands, speaking to the viewer in front of a red background.
Man: TODAY, PHOTONS WERE EMITTED FROM A SODIUM-VAPOR LAMP AND REFLECTED OFF THE GENITALIA OF A HIGH STATUS HUMAN INTO A CHARGED COUPLED DEVICE. OTHER HUMANS ARE SAYING THE HIGH STATUS HUMAN MAKES CAPRICIOUS REPRODUCTIVE CHOICES.
Votey:
A close-up of the same man grinning.
Man: AM I RIGHT?
Alt text
Title caption reads "I wish celebrity gossip were more scientific." A smiling man in a dark suit and red tie, standing against a red background, gestures with open palms toward the viewer. His speech bubble translates a tabloid story into deadpan scientific language: "Today, photons were emitted from a sodium-vapor lamp and reflected off the genitalia of a high status human into a charged coupled device. Other humans are saying the high status human makes capricious reproductive choices." In the votey, a black-and-white close-up of the same grinning man asks, "Am I right?"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.