2012-12-19
Original: 2012-12-19 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Mother: AND MOMMIES AND DADDIES HAVE SEX SO THEY CAN MAKE CUTE LITTLE BABIES, LIKE YOU!
Child: WHAT?!
Panel 2:
Child: I'VE OVERHEARD YOU HAVING SEX ON 73 DIFFERENT OCCASIONS, SUBSEQUENT TO WHICH YOU'VE HAD ONLY ONE CHILD. STATISTICALLY AT LEAST 98.5% OF THE SEX IS FOR MYSTERIOUS NON-BABY REASONS.
Panel 3:
Child (holding up a bar chart): THE REASON WAS UNKNOWN IN MANY CASES, BUT 13 WERE PRECEDED BY BOREDOM, 7 WERE PRECEDED BY THE RESOLUTION OF AN ARGUMENT, AND 22 HAPPENED DURING OR AFTER AN R-RATED MOVIE.
Panel 4:
Child: ON THIS BASIS, I CAN PREDICT THAT ANY TIME YOU'VE RESOLVED AN ARGUMENT, THEN GOTTEN BORED WHILE WATCHING AN R-RATED MOVIE, SEX WILL ENSUE, AND ITS PURPOSE WILL NOT BE BABIES.
Mother: THAT'S NOT-- WELL, IT'S... HUH. YEAH, ACTUALLY THAT'S ABOUT RIGHT.
Panel 5 (banner reads LATER...):
A man in bed: HOW'D THE SEX TALK GO?
The mother (climbing into bed): I LEARNED A LOT.
Votey:
A woman (the mother) speaking: WANNA WATCH AN R-RATED MOVIE?
Mother: AND MOMMIES AND DADDIES HAVE SEX SO THEY CAN MAKE CUTE LITTLE BABIES, LIKE YOU!
Child: WHAT?!
Panel 2:
Child: I'VE OVERHEARD YOU HAVING SEX ON 73 DIFFERENT OCCASIONS, SUBSEQUENT TO WHICH YOU'VE HAD ONLY ONE CHILD. STATISTICALLY AT LEAST 98.5% OF THE SEX IS FOR MYSTERIOUS NON-BABY REASONS.
Panel 3:
Child (holding up a bar chart): THE REASON WAS UNKNOWN IN MANY CASES, BUT 13 WERE PRECEDED BY BOREDOM, 7 WERE PRECEDED BY THE RESOLUTION OF AN ARGUMENT, AND 22 HAPPENED DURING OR AFTER AN R-RATED MOVIE.
Panel 4:
Child: ON THIS BASIS, I CAN PREDICT THAT ANY TIME YOU'VE RESOLVED AN ARGUMENT, THEN GOTTEN BORED WHILE WATCHING AN R-RATED MOVIE, SEX WILL ENSUE, AND ITS PURPOSE WILL NOT BE BABIES.
Mother: THAT'S NOT-- WELL, IT'S... HUH. YEAH, ACTUALLY THAT'S ABOUT RIGHT.
Panel 5 (banner reads LATER...):
A man in bed: HOW'D THE SEX TALK GO?
The mother (climbing into bed): I LEARNED A LOT.
Votey:
A woman (the mother) speaking: WANNA WATCH AN R-RATED MOVIE?
Alt text
A five-panel SMBC comic. Panel 1: A smiling mother tells her child, "And mommies and daddies have sex so they can make cute little babies, like you!" The child reacts with an alarmed "What?!" Panel 2: The child, looking serious, says, "I've overheard you having sex on 73 different occasions, subsequent to which you've had only one child. Statistically at least 98.5% of the sex is for mysterious non-baby reasons." Panel 3: The child holds up a bar chart and explains, "The reason was unknown in many cases, but 13 were preceded by boredom, 7 were preceded by the resolution of an argument, and 22 happened during or after an R-rated movie." Panel 4: The child concludes, "On this basis, I can predict that any time you've resolved an argument, then gotten bored while watching an R-rated movie, sex will ensue, and its purpose will not be babies." The mother, wide-eyed and chin in hand, admits, "That's not-- well, it's... huh. Yeah, actually that's about right." Panel 5: A banner reads "LATER..." The mother climbs into bed where a man asks, "How'd the sex talk go?" She replies, "I learned a lot." Votey (aftercomic): The mother, drawn in a simple sketch, leans in and asks suggestively, "Wanna watch an R-rated movie?"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.