2012-10-29
Original: 2012-10-29 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Woman: I just don't see why we throw bricks at college students' heads for entertainment.
Man: It's a tradition!
Panel 2:
Man: And let's not forget the sense of community it creates.
Panel 3:
Man: This university has been a leader in the sport of headbricking since 1859, and we have not had a single dozen fatalities in that entire time.
Panel 4:
Man: Why, just look at this photo of our team coming behind their opponents in '44... what a great come-from-behind victory!
Panel 5:
Man: There's a lot of evidence that repeated headbricking causes brain damage.
Woman: We can't just change the game system every single time someone's harmed by 'brain damage.'
Panel 6:
Man: And for lots of poor kids, getting bashed in the face for the amusement of wealthy alumni is the only path to success.
Panel 7:
Man: And, for lots of poor kids, getting bashed in the face for the amusement of wealthy alumni is the only path to success.
Panel 8:
Man: Actually, don't write that down. I mean to say we really value scholarship, and giving a leg up to underprivileged youth.
Panel 9:
Man: And let's not forget the endowment money the program brings in.
Woman: The majority of schools lose money on headbrick.
Man: While giving the national headbrick league its sweet, sweet cable system for free.
Panel 10:
Woman: Oh, so you want the nanny state to come in and say 'no more headbrick!' It's too funny--
Panel 11:
Man: I think publicly questioned institutes that claim to be about learning shouldn't spend their fortunes toward giving teenagers brain damage.
Panel 12:
Woman: Well, I think we won't see eye-to-eye here.
Man: Yeah. I think we have different priorities.
Panel 13:
Woman: No, I mean I have a headbrick-related occipital lesion.
Man: Thaaaat's what it is.
Votey:
Caption: Today's comic was a satire about badminton.
Woman: I just don't see why we throw bricks at college students' heads for entertainment.
Man: It's a tradition!
Panel 2:
Man: And let's not forget the sense of community it creates.
Panel 3:
Man: This university has been a leader in the sport of headbricking since 1859, and we have not had a single dozen fatalities in that entire time.
Panel 4:
Man: Why, just look at this photo of our team coming behind their opponents in '44... what a great come-from-behind victory!
Panel 5:
Man: There's a lot of evidence that repeated headbricking causes brain damage.
Woman: We can't just change the game system every single time someone's harmed by 'brain damage.'
Panel 6:
Man: And for lots of poor kids, getting bashed in the face for the amusement of wealthy alumni is the only path to success.
Panel 7:
Man: And, for lots of poor kids, getting bashed in the face for the amusement of wealthy alumni is the only path to success.
Panel 8:
Man: Actually, don't write that down. I mean to say we really value scholarship, and giving a leg up to underprivileged youth.
Panel 9:
Man: And let's not forget the endowment money the program brings in.
Woman: The majority of schools lose money on headbrick.
Man: While giving the national headbrick league its sweet, sweet cable system for free.
Panel 10:
Woman: Oh, so you want the nanny state to come in and say 'no more headbrick!' It's too funny--
Panel 11:
Man: I think publicly questioned institutes that claim to be about learning shouldn't spend their fortunes toward giving teenagers brain damage.
Panel 12:
Woman: Well, I think we won't see eye-to-eye here.
Man: Yeah. I think we have different priorities.
Panel 13:
Woman: No, I mean I have a headbrick-related occipital lesion.
Man: Thaaaat's what it is.
Votey:
Caption: Today's comic was a satire about badminton.
Alt text
A multi-panel SMBC comic, a long vertical conversation between a balding bespectacled man and a woman, drawn against a green background. The man defends a fictional violent college sport called 'headbrick' in which students are hit in the head with bricks for spectators' entertainment. He cycles through every excuse used to defend real-world dangerous college sports: it's a tradition, it builds community, the university has been a leader in the sport since 1859 with 'not a single dozen fatalities,' nostalgia over an old come-from-behind victory photo. When the woman points to evidence that repeated headbricking causes brain damage, he says you can't change the game every time someone's harmed by 'brain damage,' and claims it's the only path to success for poor kids bashed in the face for wealthy alumni's amusement, then nervously asks her not to write that down and reframes it as valuing scholarship and uplifting underprivileged youth. He adds the endowment and lucrative cable-TV deal as further justification, even admitting most schools lose money on it. He finally says institutions claiming to be about learning shouldn't spend fortunes giving teenagers brain damage. The two agree they 'won't see eye-to-eye' and 'have different priorities' -- but the woman clarifies she literally means she has a headbrick-related occipital lesion (brain damage affecting vision), and the man replies 'Thaaaat's what it is.' Votey: a single hand-lettered panel reading 'Today's comic was a satire about badminton,' an absurd disclaimer since the comic is plainly an allegory for the head-injury controversy in contact sports like American football, not badminton.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.