2012-11-01
Original: 2012-11-01 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: An advisor speaks to the President in the Oval Office.
Advisor: Mr. President, it's clear to me—the reason we have natural disasters is that we let the homos practice their unnatural lifestyle.
President: My god... how come no one told me?
Panel 2: Close-up on the President, alarmed.
President: Why... if that's true...
Panel 3 (title card): GOON...
Narration: Welcome to the C.T.Gay. You are an elite force of the gayest individuals in America. You are a lightning rod for god's wrath, and it's up to you to use that power for good.
(Below: silhouettes of people in front of a podium.)
Four news panels, each showing a TV/news segment beneath the rainbow-flag-clad team:
News 1—Today's News: Torrential rains end midwest drought; Prez credits mobilization of hundreds of rainbow RVs. (Image: a rainbow-striped RV.)
News 2—Today's News: Hurricane changes course away from gulf coast to follow armada of gay speedboats. (Image: a map of a coastline.)
News 3—Today's News: Earthquake rocks terrorist camp; big gay zeppelin seen floating above. (Image: a rainbow-striped zeppelin/blimp.)
News 4—Today's News: Sodomy-induced lightning strikes power new type of generator; electricity now free and clean. (Image: lightning striking a rod/tower.)
Final panel: Two figures sit on a cloud in the sky—an angel in white robes with blond hair, and (off-panel/God). The sun is visible at right.
Angel: Well that didn't go as planned.
God (speech from beside the angel): Yes it did. I've been trying to give my chosen people free energy for millenia.
Votey: A hand-lettered physics equation written on a panel:
E_TOTAL = U + K + E_SODOMY
Advisor: Mr. President, it's clear to me—the reason we have natural disasters is that we let the homos practice their unnatural lifestyle.
President: My god... how come no one told me?
Panel 2: Close-up on the President, alarmed.
President: Why... if that's true...
Panel 3 (title card): GOON...
Narration: Welcome to the C.T.Gay. You are an elite force of the gayest individuals in America. You are a lightning rod for god's wrath, and it's up to you to use that power for good.
(Below: silhouettes of people in front of a podium.)
Four news panels, each showing a TV/news segment beneath the rainbow-flag-clad team:
News 1—Today's News: Torrential rains end midwest drought; Prez credits mobilization of hundreds of rainbow RVs. (Image: a rainbow-striped RV.)
News 2—Today's News: Hurricane changes course away from gulf coast to follow armada of gay speedboats. (Image: a map of a coastline.)
News 3—Today's News: Earthquake rocks terrorist camp; big gay zeppelin seen floating above. (Image: a rainbow-striped zeppelin/blimp.)
News 4—Today's News: Sodomy-induced lightning strikes power new type of generator; electricity now free and clean. (Image: lightning striking a rod/tower.)
Final panel: Two figures sit on a cloud in the sky—an angel in white robes with blond hair, and (off-panel/God). The sun is visible at right.
Angel: Well that didn't go as planned.
God (speech from beside the angel): Yes it did. I've been trying to give my chosen people free energy for millenia.
Votey: A hand-lettered physics equation written on a panel:
E_TOTAL = U + K + E_SODOMY
Alt text
A six-part SMBC comic. Panel 1: an advisor tells the U.S. President that natural disasters happen because the country lets "the homos practice their unnatural lifestyle"; the President replies "My god... how come no one told me?" Panel 2: a worried close-up of the President saying "Why... if that's true..." Panel 3, titled "GOON...", introduces "the C.T.Gay," narrated as an elite force of the gayest individuals in America—"a lightning rod for god's wrath"—meant to use that power for good. Below, a team draped in rainbow flags stands over four fake news segments, each headed "Today's News": (1) torrential rains end a midwest drought thanks to hundreds of rainbow RVs, shown as a rainbow-striped RV; (2) a hurricane veers away to follow an armada of gay speedboats, shown as a coastline map; (3) an earthquake rocks a terrorist camp with a "big gay zeppelin" overhead, shown as a rainbow blimp; (4) sodomy-induced lightning powers a new generator making electricity free and clean, shown as lightning hitting a tower. Final panel, in the sky on a cloud: a blond angel in white says "Well that didn't go as planned," and God replies, "Yes it did. I've been trying to give my chosen people free energy for millenia." Votey: a hand-lettered physics equation reading E_TOTAL = U + K + E_SODOMY (total energy equals potential plus kinetic plus sodomy energy).
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.