2012-08-31
Original: 2012-08-31 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Header: HOW THE SCIENCES SAY "I'M NOT DATING ANYONE."
Panel 1 (label: COMPUTER SCIENTIST):
Computer scientist: I'M HAVING AN OFF-BY-ONE ERROR.
Panel 2 (label: PHYSICIST):
Physicist: I'M OCCUPYING MY GROUND STATE.
Panel 3 (label: ENGINEER):
Engineer: WELL, I'M WORKIN' ON THE SEX-BURG AGAIN!
Panel 4 (label: DOCTOR):
Doctor: AMORECTOMY COMPLETE.
Header: HOW THE SOCIAL SCIENCES SAY "I'M NOT DATING ANYONE."
Panel 5 (label: ECONOMIST):
Economist: MY RELATIONSHIP STATUS IS UNDERGOING A DISEQUILIBRATION, WHICH I BELIEVE TO BE CYCLICAL, BASED ON A LINEAR REGRESS RUNNING BACK TO AUGUST 1948.
Panel 6 (label: SOCIOLOGIST):
Sociologist: A PERVASIVE CULTURE OF MONOGAMORY HAS HEGEMONIZED MY SELF-IMAGINARY VIA EXTERNAL (I.E. NON-INTERNAL) DISCOURSE.
Panel 7 (label: PSYCHOLOGIST):
Psychologist: ACCORDING TO MY SURVEY OF ONE WEALTHY AMERICAN COLLEGE-AGED CAUCASIAN (WHO KNEW, IN ADVANCE, WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR), I HAVE SINGLENESS SYNDROME (N=1; INDIVIDUAL WAS SURVEYED 4 TIMES).
Header: HOW THE HUMANITIES SAY "I'M NOT DATING ANYONE."
Panel 8 (label: PHILOSOPHER):
Philosopher: CAN A PERSON EVER LOVE ANOTHER PERSON?
Panel 9 (label: ARTIST):
Artist: CAN A PERSON EVER LOVE ANOTHER PERSON?
Votey:
Label: ACTUAL ARTIST
Artist: I'M AN ARTIST.
Panel 1 (label: COMPUTER SCIENTIST):
Computer scientist: I'M HAVING AN OFF-BY-ONE ERROR.
Panel 2 (label: PHYSICIST):
Physicist: I'M OCCUPYING MY GROUND STATE.
Panel 3 (label: ENGINEER):
Engineer: WELL, I'M WORKIN' ON THE SEX-BURG AGAIN!
Panel 4 (label: DOCTOR):
Doctor: AMORECTOMY COMPLETE.
Header: HOW THE SOCIAL SCIENCES SAY "I'M NOT DATING ANYONE."
Panel 5 (label: ECONOMIST):
Economist: MY RELATIONSHIP STATUS IS UNDERGOING A DISEQUILIBRATION, WHICH I BELIEVE TO BE CYCLICAL, BASED ON A LINEAR REGRESS RUNNING BACK TO AUGUST 1948.
Panel 6 (label: SOCIOLOGIST):
Sociologist: A PERVASIVE CULTURE OF MONOGAMORY HAS HEGEMONIZED MY SELF-IMAGINARY VIA EXTERNAL (I.E. NON-INTERNAL) DISCOURSE.
Panel 7 (label: PSYCHOLOGIST):
Psychologist: ACCORDING TO MY SURVEY OF ONE WEALTHY AMERICAN COLLEGE-AGED CAUCASIAN (WHO KNEW, IN ADVANCE, WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR), I HAVE SINGLENESS SYNDROME (N=1; INDIVIDUAL WAS SURVEYED 4 TIMES).
Header: HOW THE HUMANITIES SAY "I'M NOT DATING ANYONE."
Panel 8 (label: PHILOSOPHER):
Philosopher: CAN A PERSON EVER LOVE ANOTHER PERSON?
Panel 9 (label: ARTIST):
Artist: CAN A PERSON EVER LOVE ANOTHER PERSON?
Votey:
Label: ACTUAL ARTIST
Artist: I'M AN ARTIST.
Alt text
A tall multi-panel SMBC comic listing how people in different fields say "I'm not dating anyone" in overwrought jargon. Under the header "How the sciences say 'I'm not dating anyone,'" a Computer Scientist says "I'm having an off-by-one error"; a Physicist says "I'm occupying my ground state"; an Engineer says "Well, I'm workin' on the sex-burg again!"; a Doctor says "Amorectomy complete." Under "How the social sciences say 'I'm not dating anyone,'" an Economist describes a cyclical relationship-status disequilibration from a linear regression back to August 1948; a Sociologist blames a pervasive culture of monogamory hegemonizing the self-imaginary via external discourse; a Psychologist cites a singleness syndrome from surveying one wealthy American college-aged Caucasian (n=1, surveyed 4 times). Under "How the humanities say 'I'm not dating anyone,'" a Philosopher and an Artist each ask, "Can a person ever love another person?" The votey panel, labeled "Actual Artist," shows a plain hand-drawn face simply saying "I'm an artist."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.