2012-09-01
Original: 2012-09-01 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
A gray-haired man in a suit (seated at a table in a dark meeting room) and a bearded man with glasses sit together.
Gray-haired man: "Healthcare costs are ballooning. We need to do something."
Panel 2:
The bearded man with glasses, wide-eyed.
Bearded man: "What if we ban smoking? That's gotta save a lot of money."
Panel 3:
A woman with long dark hair and round glasses, in a pink/red top.
Woman: "Actually, smokers tend to cost less over time, since they... die sooner."
Panel 4:
The bearded man, looking unsettled.
Bearded man: "I see..."
Panel 5 (mock newspaper):
Masthead: "Newsness"
Headline: PRESIDENT STARTS "SMOKES 'N BACON" PROGRAM
Sidebar box: "SURGEON GEN: 'SMOKING IS ONLY DANGEROUS TO WUSSES.'"
(A scribbled, illegible block of text appears as the newspaper's body copy.)
Votey:
The woman (long dark hair) leaning over a table.
Woman: "Actually, if we can get population negative, health care would be profitable."
A gray-haired man in a suit (seated at a table in a dark meeting room) and a bearded man with glasses sit together.
Gray-haired man: "Healthcare costs are ballooning. We need to do something."
Panel 2:
The bearded man with glasses, wide-eyed.
Bearded man: "What if we ban smoking? That's gotta save a lot of money."
Panel 3:
A woman with long dark hair and round glasses, in a pink/red top.
Woman: "Actually, smokers tend to cost less over time, since they... die sooner."
Panel 4:
The bearded man, looking unsettled.
Bearded man: "I see..."
Panel 5 (mock newspaper):
Masthead: "Newsness"
Headline: PRESIDENT STARTS "SMOKES 'N BACON" PROGRAM
Sidebar box: "SURGEON GEN: 'SMOKING IS ONLY DANGEROUS TO WUSSES.'"
(A scribbled, illegible block of text appears as the newspaper's body copy.)
Votey:
The woman (long dark hair) leaning over a table.
Woman: "Actually, if we can get population negative, health care would be profitable."
Alt text
A five-panel SMBC comic. Panel 1: two men in suits in a dark meeting room; the gray-haired one says, "Healthcare costs are ballooning. We need to do something." Panel 2: a wide-eyed bearded man with glasses says, "What if we ban smoking? That's gotta save a lot of money." Panel 3: a woman with long dark hair and round glasses replies, "Actually, smokers tend to cost less over time, since they... die sooner." Panel 4: the bearded man, now unsettled, says, "I see..." Panel 5: a fake newspaper titled "Newsness" with the headline 'PRESIDENT STARTS "SMOKES 'N BACON" PROGRAM' and a sidebar reading 'SURGEON GEN: "SMOKING IS ONLY DANGEROUS TO WUSSES."' The joke: realizing unhealthy citizens save money, the government starts promoting smoking and bacon. Votey: the woman leans in and adds, "Actually, if we can get population negative, health care would be profitable."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.