2012-01-12
Original: 2012-01-12 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Title/caption: PEOPLE WERE ANNOYED BY MEDIA COMMERCIALS.
Panel 1:
Man (newscaster type): AAUGH! THERE'S NO CHANCE I EVER BUY A DAMNED TACO-CHEESE. WHOEVER WATCHED THIS IS A WASTE OF MY TIME AND THEIR MONEY!
Panel 2:
Caption: BUT ONE DAY, A SENATOR HAD A BRILLIANT IDEA.
Woman (senator): WHAT IF WE COULD FIGURE OUT THE COST OF A PERSON BUYING A PRODUCT DUE TO A COMMERCIAL? MULTIPLY IT BY COST, AND THEN ALLOW CONSUMERS TO PAY THAT AMOUNT TO SKIP ADS.
Panel 3:
Caption: THEY GOT MAD, THEN PRESENTED FACTS TO CONGRESS, WHO THEN MANDATED EVERY COMPANY OFFER AD SKIPPING.
Chart text:
COST OF PURCHASE: $5
COST OF PRODUCT: $4
COST TO SKIP AD: $1
--------
$0.0001
Panel 4:
Caption: THERE WAS A BRIEF SLUDGE PERIOD WHEN COMPANIES REAPED A WEALTH OF ADVERTISEMENTS, BUT THEN IT ALL WORKED OUT.
Woman: FINALLY, I CAN WATCH THIS SHOW ABOUT YUMMY RESTAURANT AND BEST WITHOUT CONSTANTLY BEING ADVERTISED AT.
Sound effect: ...EFFWORKS!
Panel 5:
Caption: BUT THE COMPANIES SOON REALIZED THEIR MAIN REVENUE HAD SHIFTED TO AD-SKIPS.
Chart bars labeled: PRODUCTS / AD-SKIPS (the AD-SKIPS bar is much taller)
Panel 6:
Caption: SPECIFICALLY, COMMERCIALS NOBODY LIKED.
Man: THIS COMMERCIAL SHOWING TASTY BURGERS IS DUMPED 70% OF THE TIME, WHILE THE ONE WITH THE ANNOYING ANIMATED DOG IS SKIPPED 90% OF THE TIME.
Panel 7:
Caption: SINCE ALL BUSINESSES NOW DO A PER-USER PRICE, CHILDREN COMMERCIALS WENT FOR LOWER BUDGETS COMBINED WITH MAXIMUM ANNOYINGNESS TO MAXIMIZE AD-SKIPPING.
Child: DADDY, WHY IS THAT MAN EATING HOTDOGS?
(continuing, second band)
Panel 8:
Caption: THIS COMMERCIAL SHOWING TASTY BURGERS IS DUMPED 70% OF THE TIME, WHILE THE ONE WITH THE ANNOYING ANIMATED DOG IS SKIPPED 90% OF THE TIME.
(scene continues)
Panel 9:
Caption: SINCE ALL BUSINESSES NOW DO A PER-USER PRICE, COMPETITION WAS FIERCE. COMMERCIALS WENT FOR LOWER BUDGETS COMBINED WITH MAXIMUM ANNOYINGNESS TO MAXIMIZE AD-SKIPPING.
Child: DADDY, WHY IS THAT MAN EATING HOTDOGS?
TV/Ad text: BUY PEPSI
Panel 10:
Caption: WITHIN 18 MONTHS, EVERY AD HAD BEEN LEISURE-INDUCING. UGLY, SLUDGEY, AND THE WORST. PEOPLE SCREAMED AND WAILED AND GAVE UP THEIR HARD-EARNED DOLLARS WHEN THEY SAW A COMMERCIAL IN PERSON.
Woman (screaming): EEEEEEE!
Man: SKIP! SKIP!
Panel 11:
Caption: CONSUMER DOLLARS WERE BEING DRAINED FAST, BUT SLUDGE COMMERCIALS CONTINUED. THEY PAID GOOD MONEY TO SKIP A MISERABLE AD, WHICH LOOKED TO HAVE 27 PIXELS BALANCING OUT THE DROP IN DROP OF DURIAN.
Text: ONE HOT DOG
Text: ONE DOLLAR
WITH KETCHUP
Text: ONE DOLLAR
Text: ONE HUNDRED TRILLION DOLLARS. PLUS A DOLLAR.
Panel 12:
Caption: IT'S BEEN TEN YEARS NOW. CLOTHING IS NO LONGER MADE, HOMES ARE NOT REPAIRED, AND FOOD IS HARD TO COME BY. ALL PEOPLE DO NOW IS WATCH COMMERCIAL AND THEN COMMERCIAL AND JUST PLAYING SAD DULL GRINNING GAMES.
(a flaming skull / fiery skull floats in the scene)
Panel 13:
Caption: FORTUNATELY, MAYBE THE BEST AND DEEPEST OF ALL TO ARRIVE. THE WAVES BECAME A HUMAN COMFORTABLE WITH IT.
Man: HEY, SISTER, CATCH! YOU LOOK AWFUL TIRED. WERE YOU UP WATCHING THE SLUDGE LAST NIGHT?
Woman: NAH. THEN I LOVE ALL-DESPISING BABY SKULL.
Votey:
Caption header: ME JUST NOW:
Speech bubble: WHOA. "ALL DESPISING BABY SKULL" = "AD BS."
(A person hunched at a desk, palm to forehead, having a realization.)
Panel 1:
Man (newscaster type): AAUGH! THERE'S NO CHANCE I EVER BUY A DAMNED TACO-CHEESE. WHOEVER WATCHED THIS IS A WASTE OF MY TIME AND THEIR MONEY!
Panel 2:
Caption: BUT ONE DAY, A SENATOR HAD A BRILLIANT IDEA.
Woman (senator): WHAT IF WE COULD FIGURE OUT THE COST OF A PERSON BUYING A PRODUCT DUE TO A COMMERCIAL? MULTIPLY IT BY COST, AND THEN ALLOW CONSUMERS TO PAY THAT AMOUNT TO SKIP ADS.
Panel 3:
Caption: THEY GOT MAD, THEN PRESENTED FACTS TO CONGRESS, WHO THEN MANDATED EVERY COMPANY OFFER AD SKIPPING.
Chart text:
COST OF PURCHASE: $5
COST OF PRODUCT: $4
COST TO SKIP AD: $1
--------
$0.0001
Panel 4:
Caption: THERE WAS A BRIEF SLUDGE PERIOD WHEN COMPANIES REAPED A WEALTH OF ADVERTISEMENTS, BUT THEN IT ALL WORKED OUT.
Woman: FINALLY, I CAN WATCH THIS SHOW ABOUT YUMMY RESTAURANT AND BEST WITHOUT CONSTANTLY BEING ADVERTISED AT.
Sound effect: ...EFFWORKS!
Panel 5:
Caption: BUT THE COMPANIES SOON REALIZED THEIR MAIN REVENUE HAD SHIFTED TO AD-SKIPS.
Chart bars labeled: PRODUCTS / AD-SKIPS (the AD-SKIPS bar is much taller)
Panel 6:
Caption: SPECIFICALLY, COMMERCIALS NOBODY LIKED.
Man: THIS COMMERCIAL SHOWING TASTY BURGERS IS DUMPED 70% OF THE TIME, WHILE THE ONE WITH THE ANNOYING ANIMATED DOG IS SKIPPED 90% OF THE TIME.
Panel 7:
Caption: SINCE ALL BUSINESSES NOW DO A PER-USER PRICE, CHILDREN COMMERCIALS WENT FOR LOWER BUDGETS COMBINED WITH MAXIMUM ANNOYINGNESS TO MAXIMIZE AD-SKIPPING.
Child: DADDY, WHY IS THAT MAN EATING HOTDOGS?
(continuing, second band)
Panel 8:
Caption: THIS COMMERCIAL SHOWING TASTY BURGERS IS DUMPED 70% OF THE TIME, WHILE THE ONE WITH THE ANNOYING ANIMATED DOG IS SKIPPED 90% OF THE TIME.
(scene continues)
Panel 9:
Caption: SINCE ALL BUSINESSES NOW DO A PER-USER PRICE, COMPETITION WAS FIERCE. COMMERCIALS WENT FOR LOWER BUDGETS COMBINED WITH MAXIMUM ANNOYINGNESS TO MAXIMIZE AD-SKIPPING.
Child: DADDY, WHY IS THAT MAN EATING HOTDOGS?
TV/Ad text: BUY PEPSI
Panel 10:
Caption: WITHIN 18 MONTHS, EVERY AD HAD BEEN LEISURE-INDUCING. UGLY, SLUDGEY, AND THE WORST. PEOPLE SCREAMED AND WAILED AND GAVE UP THEIR HARD-EARNED DOLLARS WHEN THEY SAW A COMMERCIAL IN PERSON.
Woman (screaming): EEEEEEE!
Man: SKIP! SKIP!
Panel 11:
Caption: CONSUMER DOLLARS WERE BEING DRAINED FAST, BUT SLUDGE COMMERCIALS CONTINUED. THEY PAID GOOD MONEY TO SKIP A MISERABLE AD, WHICH LOOKED TO HAVE 27 PIXELS BALANCING OUT THE DROP IN DROP OF DURIAN.
Text: ONE HOT DOG
Text: ONE DOLLAR
WITH KETCHUP
Text: ONE DOLLAR
Text: ONE HUNDRED TRILLION DOLLARS. PLUS A DOLLAR.
Panel 12:
Caption: IT'S BEEN TEN YEARS NOW. CLOTHING IS NO LONGER MADE, HOMES ARE NOT REPAIRED, AND FOOD IS HARD TO COME BY. ALL PEOPLE DO NOW IS WATCH COMMERCIAL AND THEN COMMERCIAL AND JUST PLAYING SAD DULL GRINNING GAMES.
(a flaming skull / fiery skull floats in the scene)
Panel 13:
Caption: FORTUNATELY, MAYBE THE BEST AND DEEPEST OF ALL TO ARRIVE. THE WAVES BECAME A HUMAN COMFORTABLE WITH IT.
Man: HEY, SISTER, CATCH! YOU LOOK AWFUL TIRED. WERE YOU UP WATCHING THE SLUDGE LAST NIGHT?
Woman: NAH. THEN I LOVE ALL-DESPISING BABY SKULL.
Votey:
Caption header: ME JUST NOW:
Speech bubble: WHOA. "ALL DESPISING BABY SKULL" = "AD BS."
(A person hunched at a desk, palm to forehead, having a realization.)
Alt text
A tall multi-panel SMBC comic titled "People were annoyed by media commercials." Panel 1: an irritated newscaster-looking man rants that a commercial will never make him buy the product. Panel 2: a senator proposes a system where consumers can pay a small calculated fee to skip ads. Panel 3: Congress mandates that every company offer ad-skipping, shown with a cost breakdown chart (purchase $5, product $4, skip $1, working out to $0.0001). Panel 4: a woman happily watches a show without being advertised at, with a sound effect like "...EFFWORKS!" Panel 5: a bar chart shows company revenue has shifted overwhelmingly from PRODUCTS to AD-SKIPS. Panel 6-7: companies now make deliberately cheap, ugly, maximally annoying commercials so people will pay to skip them; an annoying animated-dog ad gets skipped 90% of the time, and a child asks "Daddy, why is that man eating hotdogs?" beside a "BUY PEPSI" ad. Panel 8-10: every ad becomes hideous sludge; a woman screams "EEEEEEE!" and a man yells "SKIP! SKIP!" while people pay enormous sums ("one hundred trillion dollars, plus a dollar") to escape the misery. Panel 11-12: ten years later society has collapsed because all anyone does is skip sludge commercials, illustrated by a floating flaming skull. Final panel: a man tosses something to a tired woman and asks if she was up watching the sludge; she says no, she loves "All-Despising Baby Skull." Votey: a single small panel captioned "ME JUST NOW:" showing a person slumped at a desk with palm to forehead, realizing in a speech bubble: "WHOA. 'ALL DESPISING BABY SKULL' = 'AD BS.'"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.