2012-01-11
Original: 2012-01-11 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Son (a young man with red hair): Dad... I'm...
Panel 2:
Son: On the Kinsey scale, I'm further right than is socially normative in our place and time.
Panel 3:
Father (a bald, bespectacled older man, pointing angrily): DAMMIT BOY! In this family we fall within sigma of average local perceived ideal sexuality!
Panel 4:
Son: Dad, I may be 3.7, but I'm still your son!
Panel 5:
Father: I HAVE NO SON!
Panel 6:
(The father and son glare at each other, faces close.)
Panel 7:
Father: Unless he's 1.9 or lower.
Panel 8:
(A figure in the dark, lit dramatically.)
Voice: It must've been NCB coming out to a dad who understands sociological statistics.
Another voice: Yeah.
Votey:
Text on a sign reads: STATISTICS: MAKING SOCIAL MORES FEEL ARBITRARY SINCE 1809
Son (a young man with red hair): Dad... I'm...
Panel 2:
Son: On the Kinsey scale, I'm further right than is socially normative in our place and time.
Panel 3:
Father (a bald, bespectacled older man, pointing angrily): DAMMIT BOY! In this family we fall within sigma of average local perceived ideal sexuality!
Panel 4:
Son: Dad, I may be 3.7, but I'm still your son!
Panel 5:
Father: I HAVE NO SON!
Panel 6:
(The father and son glare at each other, faces close.)
Panel 7:
Father: Unless he's 1.9 or lower.
Panel 8:
(A figure in the dark, lit dramatically.)
Voice: It must've been NCB coming out to a dad who understands sociological statistics.
Another voice: Yeah.
Votey:
Text on a sign reads: STATISTICS: MAKING SOCIAL MORES FEEL ARBITRARY SINCE 1809
Alt text
A tall multi-panel SMBC comic. A red-haired young man comes out to his bald, bespectacled father, but frames it in statistical jargon. Panel 1: the son says "Dad... I'm...". Panel 2: "On the Kinsey scale, I'm further right than is socially normative in our place and time." Panel 3: the father points angrily and shouts "DAMMIT BOY! In this family we fall within sigma of average local perceived ideal sexuality!" Panel 4: the son pleads, "Dad, I may be 3.7, but I'm still your son!" Panel 5: the father bellows "I HAVE NO SON!" Panel 6: father and son glare at each other up close. Panel 7: the father adds, "Unless he's 1.9 or lower." Final panel: a dramatically lit nighttime scene where one voice says "It must've been NCB coming out to a dad who understands sociological statistics," and another replies "Yeah." The joke is the absurdity of a parent reacting to a coming-out using Kinsey-scale statistics and standard deviations. Votey: a hand-drawn sign reading "STATISTICS: MAKING SOCIAL MORES FEEL ARBITRARY SINCE 1809."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.